WWYD? I'm scared

[cremeeggs38]

Hi, I've posted similar before in legal but I'm interested in opinion/could do with a bit of support....
DD Dad told me 6mths ago he wanted nothing more to do with us, didn't want to know addresses, holidays... nothing. She's 2. He is EA controlling, manipulative and inconsistent. We split 18mths ago and he refused to look after DD without me being there on the odd occasions he saw her and was very upset when he was near.
So after I'd got my head round things I've started to make plans to move nearer to family as my parents are moving to look after an elderly relative. I rely on them for childcare so I can work and my DD adores them. Our life will be much better and I'll have support. I currently like barricading doors at night as I worry EXP will break in or do sth silly.
Anyway.... went to look at houses- moving 3:30hrs away and he messages threatening me with turning up on my doorstep as he now wants to see DD after nearly 7mths. I said I'd sort a contact centre on return. I've in theory sorted the info but not told him yet and i still want to move and he will go barmy! What do I do... stay and struggle or move and face his wrath! I was going to offer once a month contact and FaceTime in between is that unreasonable? DD doesn't know who he is really! But she's entitled to try and build a relationship. I don't want him coming up to see us- I want a fresh start without being frightened as it's not good for me or DD. WWYD? AIBU?

[LokisLover]

Move and don’t look back! He can’t just have that sort of sporadic relationship so you put your life on hold. And if he was to threaten you with court and all that he would be looked at very unfavourably as he clearly hasn’t made any effort.

Does he pay maintenance? Not that it should sway your decision to stay or not.

I’m a single parent and it’s hard so put you and your DD first and get the support you need. It will also help you to build your confidence back up as it seems he’s broken that a little too.

[Ladymadness]

I would just move no way would i let myself and the dc struggle just because a deadbeat dad wants to pop in and out once or twice a year. He sounds like a controling arse and if he has threatend you i would be calling non emergency police

[AnnaFiveTowns]

Just move - as far away from him as possible. If he wants contact, then let him pursue it through the court. If he's threatening towards you again, in any way, then call the police immediately.

[Bobby1233]

non-molestation order!

[MrsDilber]

You really, really, need to move. Don't tell him till you're gone. He's behaved appallingly and you don't owe him anything. If he wants to visit DD, he'll have to go out of his way to see her.

You need support, being alone with a 2 year old, you need a loving family that your DD loves and trusts and a new start away from this toxic bloke.

[Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername]

Another one saying move...don't look back...and don't tell him where you are. If you stay, he will make your life a misery

[AnnaFiveTowns]

OP, maybe you should ask for this to be moved to relationships. There is a lot of support on there for people who have been in abusive relationships.

[cremeeggs38]

Thanks all, good to hear that I'm not being mean wanting to still move. Am I being unreasonable with monthly contact?

[Kingsclerelass]

Once a month plus FaceTime is more than he's giving his Dd now.
Move, and then work on achieving as much contact as is good for dd but away from your new home.