Moving away?

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

My ex and I have been divorced for 4 years and have DD 8 and DS 7. It’s been a bit of a bumpy road and there has been a lot of EA and he still tries to control me.

At the moment he has the DC EOW and one week night which seems to be working ok. He has his own flat but mostly has the DC at his mums round the corner from us. The kids are both really close to her and she helps a lot with childcare whilst I’m working.

However, we live in a really expensive area and because it’s a small town everyone knows my ex and I’m forever labelled his baby mama which I hate as it feels like I can’t get away from him.

My parents live 3.5 hours away and have offered to buy a house near them for me and the DC and have a rent to buy arrangement. The total price for a house in their area wouldn’t buy a studio flat here and I wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage for the shortfall.

Part of me really wants to make the break and leave but I’m concerned about the impact on the DC and they would realistically only see their dad once a month and half the school holidays which seems unfair on them (and him!).

Has anyone done this and how did it work?

[Phillipa12]

My 3 dc ages 9/4 and 2 see their dad eow and we live 3.5hrs away, so once a month isnt necessarily the case. I moved to be closer to my family and i meet exh halfway eow.

[NorthernSpirit]

It’s hard. My OH and I (he has 2 kids) had to move out in order to buy a house (EW lives in FMH and all his equity is in until it’s sold in a few years time). We had to move 13 miles away but it’s a 60 / 75 min drive away. This means that’s it’s not possible for my OH to see the kids during the week so it’s EOW. He really misses them and IMO 2 weeks is too long to go without seeing them.

Your kids will see their dad less.

How will you do pick ups and drop offs? A 7 hour round trip is a lot. How will you both manage this after a full day at work? How will the kids manage?

Personally I think it’s too far. It sounds like the dad is really trying with contact. If the shoe was on the other foot and the kids lived with dad.... how would you feel if he was moving 3.5 hours away and you would see your children less?