Giving up responsibility

[user1473756940]

Really need a rant.

My ex has drifted in out of daughter's life for 12 years. He has had two more children with 2 other women after me. I have had a handful of CMS payments in those 12 years, but I am self sufficient have a good job and able to provide for my daughter. He hasn't seen her in two years now after refusing to bring her home from a visit, and obstructing her going to school whilst he held on to her. I haven't deemed him trustworthy enough since then, I've told him supervised contact would be the only way but he has refused this.

Recently, a school trip came up that my daughter wanted to go on and as his partner also has a child at the school he knew about it and offered to pay for my daughter to go on the trip. £400 trip to be paid in instalments between now and May. I nearly fell off my chair to be honest, and he made the first payment. I may have had to say no to this trip had it been just me paying as I have just booked a holiday abroad before knowing about the trip which has ultimately spent me out. The next payment is now due.

He has now decided he does not want to part of a capitalist society any longer, he has quit his job, he has sold worthy possessions, left his current partner and is going to go and find himself in Peru.

This may sound like a joke, and to be honest, its a laugh or cry situation, but I've now got a £400 school trip to pay for, along with everything else, just ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

[PixieDust100]

If he was that unreliable in the first place I would never of trusted him to pay the full balance if he can’t even give you regular maintence, and only accepted if I could of manage to pay it without him, he sounds like an ass!

He will never change! Although he may come back from Peru and be a ‘changed man’

Will you be able to find the money for the school trip?

[user1473756940]

Hi Pixie, you are right, I am not that naïve, I had thought of the fact that he may not pay the full balance of the trip.

I will be able to find the money for the trip its just going to have be a tightening of an already tight belt exercise for a few months.

He is as you say an ass! It just seems massively unfair sometimes.

[GaraMedouar]

Hi user - how annoying! I've had that - my son had a school trip a few years back and excitedly told his Dad about it - my ExH offered to pay half - great. When it came to paying time he refused to pay and told his son that he hadn't said he'd pay half (so calling DS a liar), and said he pays me maintenance so it should come out of that. He does pay maintenance but it is at bare minimum and he has a very low paid job - so doesn't cover hardly anything, certainly not a school trip! It didn't surprise me though as he always has been an arse!!! I was more annoyed though that he called DS a liar, and claimed he hadn't promised him when he had.

[purplelass]

He sounds like my ex - wouldn't pay me any maintenance for our daughter and when I got the CSA onto him he quit his job so they couldn't make him pay as he had no taxable income.
He's now paying me £45 a month knowing full well that if I ask him for more he'll quit again and I'll get nothing.
The trick is, I think, to expect nothing from them and then you can't be disappointed.

Re. the school trip, explain the situation to them and they might be able to help you out with the cost? Worth a try...

[user1473756940]

I have come to expect very little from this man, he has veered from one excuse to the next for 12 years.

He is claiming this latest one is for his mental health and well being. Which some might say fair enough.

But the more I thought about this last night the angrier I got. I try not to dwell and hate etc because it does no one any good. But I thought, hang on a minute, over the past 12 years I have been to some dark places, I have been on the very brink and have had deep dark periods of depression, loneliness, exhaustion, anxiety, and a lot of that has been related to being a single mum since the age of 16 and the strain that has put on me physically, mentally and financially. Not to mention my daughter's health and wellbeing which no doubt has been affected at times by having a struggling parent (although I have always tried not to let on) and undoubtedly by a father who has repeatedly let her down and never prioritised her.

How come he gets to say 'stop! I want to get off' and give up all responsibility. That's just not how life works with kids. Yes, you do need to look after yourself, but you are not the priority anymore.

Basically, if I had a big brick and he was within throwing distance, I'd lob it in his general direction!