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(19 Posts)
ivykaty44 Thu 22-Mar-18 06:12:20

Judges don’t want to see parents, they want you to sort out access yourselves

Jasmineandsunshine Wed 21-Mar-18 20:43:28

My ex works a rota with only one weekend off a month.

He has them overnight once a week but there's no pattern to it, it could be any day. He usually gives me 7-9 days notice when the next time he will have them is. If we already have plans I just tell him no, we can't be expected to always be available just in case he can have them.

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Wed 21-Mar-18 19:52:40

I've been very careful in what I've said. I have said mid weekdays are disruptive for them. They need a routine. But I see what you're saying, but a judge will see its him being obstructive hopefully?

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NorthernSpirit Wed 21-Mar-18 16:08:44

My OH has a court ordered contact agreement.

Contact is for the children not for the father.

Contact with the dad (if it went to court) would be prioritised over kids parties, sleep overs, clubs. That’s just how it is.

If it goes to court you would need to demonstrate that you have facilitated contact - so I would watch language such as ‘so I said no to.... unless’. This will look controlling on your part.

And i’d be careful with advice such as ‘if he won’t confirm, he can’t see them’. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel if you weren’t ‘allowed’ to see your own children?

It really is about working together and what’s in the best interests of the kids.

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 21-Mar-18 15:46:17

So basically he wants every weekend off and wants you to spend every weekend with the children?

ivenoideawhatimdoing Wed 21-Mar-18 15:37:23

I’d suggest he can have them a weekend of his choice once a month and then Tuesday every night for tea, or another consistent night that is more convenient. Then build from there.

If he won’t conform; he can’t see them. This isn’t a pissy little game; these are very important little lives who have feelings and schedules and interests.

I’m sorry he can’t see the bigger picture, OP. That must be really hard for you x

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Wed 21-Mar-18 15:30:10

No court orders, yet. He does want to
See them but on his terms. After school when I collect them after work @6.30, or on a week night overnight which I said Is far too disruptive for them. Plus he can't guarantee eldest can be brought to and collected from clubs on a weds/ thurs. So I said no to week days unless sun night, thurs night at start/end of school
Week. He just doesn't get it. He's upsetting the kids routine, he could have agreed set days these past 12 weeks as he's been
Off sick, but he's trying to crucify me and not give me an inch. I'm just trying to carry on as normal but it's slowly wearing me down.

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ivykaty44 Wed 21-Mar-18 15:25:50

If he doesn’t want contact just walk - not much point in forcing your dc to see someone who can’t be arsed

Just say ok - that’s fine as I live having them and spending time with them....

NorthernSpirit Wed 21-Mar-18 14:17:51

If you have a court ordered agreement (i’m not sure if you have agreed between you or it has gone through the courts) then you have to make them available for contact as it’s stated in the order. It’s his choice if he takes the contact (wrong in my opinion, but that’s how it is).

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Wed 21-Mar-18 13:30:57

@northernspirit when you say I've to make them available for contact, does that mean only when he suggests? Or as long as I am
Offering some contact he should try and see them then? I don't want to be seen as obstructive, but it's always on his terms and I'm expected to just oblige?

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Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Wed 21-Mar-18 13:03:35

Good thinking @ivy so I could propose that he sorts alternative childcare.

He text me last minute telling me not to go near the house at all on thurs. Thurs is my working day, he then blocked me. I then took today and tomoorw off as he threatened to not take them for me to work. He text 10mins later saying thurs suited him. Unbelievable

So I didn't go into work today and didn't drop the kids off.

I have him blocked as I want no more threats and he didn't contact my mum as we had agreed.

It's a complete mess.

OP’s posts: |
ivykaty44 Wed 21-Mar-18 12:01:47

He is controlling isn’t he...

Best to sit back and Suggest he has them Friday Tuesday every other and sorts childcare if he’s working

See what he comes back with

NorthernSpirit Wed 21-Mar-18 11:58:24

The father doesn’t have to have the children when agreed. You have to make them available for contact. It’s his choice on whether he has them for that contact.

So no, a judge can not ‘force’ contact.

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:18:57

No I can't, but he will try and push the court into the weekday contact and saying his work wouldn't allow him weekends? But he isn't set for every weekend? So would I judge suggest 2 one night weekends a month? Or something like that?

He wants to see the kids, but not to the point where I get a free run? If you get me? I work weds thurs days and he's had them then, but what can I do for myself when working? I literally don't get a minute, it's always to his demands.

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TenThousandSpoons Tue 20-Mar-18 22:04:33

He sounds like a twat if he sees contact with his children as “giving you the weekend to go out”. You can’t make him see the kids so if he doesn’t want to he won’t.

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:25:28

Thanks for the reply. He's actually been off sick and only retuning to work next week. From we spilt he has been very awakward with contact. He said he wouldn't be giving me weekends for me to go out lol. He has though, at very short notice taking them
On a fri night, but there's no routine it's when he's pushed.

He will have 2 days off a week but he's
Saying he will have to work then to afford his bills etc.

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TenThousandSpoons Tue 20-Mar-18 21:17:53

I don’t know legally but I would think the judge can’t order him to take weekends off if that’s part of his job. I would think he would be expected to have the children but sort out childcare, which will be difficult if family is not able to help. Working around the rota with him having them more in the week when he’s off would probably work better if you are able to be flexible.

Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:13:41

Sorry should Have it's not yet in court, but probably will be. So can a judge order him to take some weekends over the month?

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Lightattheendofthetunnel1 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:12:40

Can a father refuse weekend contact due to work rota? He is a delivery driver and works shifts so off random days, either weekdays or weekend. I'm happy to work round the rota, but can he refused any weekends? Or is it up to him to sort time off for quality of time? Kids are at school during week?

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