Son working weekends- contact?

[stressedoutfred]

Hi

DS is 14 and at some point will be looking for a small job.

He currently see's his Dad every other weekend. The hours are very variable as his Dad works in retail so regularly works Saturdays, but generally it's either Saturday morning or Saturday evening pick up, until Sunday afternoon.

There is no pattern to his working, so we can't predict which weekends DS is here for the whole Saturday. Hope this is making sense!

Ex also lives 50 miles away so there's no opportunity for DS to go, then nip to work, then go back to his Dads

Ex is generally not flexible, at all. For instance he wouldn't visit DS extra in the week if weekend contact was cut back. Even on his days off. It's always been this way. Contact is EOW only.

Ex pays the absolute bare minimum maintenance, which is a pittance.

I get that contact is very important, however we need to move forward with this, I just don't know how!

Would I be unreasonable to say to Ex that if he refuses to compromise at all that I would request he supports DS with pocket money? There is no way on earth that the maintenance could cover this. In Ex's opinion, it's up to me to provide everything for DS, always has been that way.

Those of you with teens, how have you managed it when it comes to getting weekend work?

Thanks!

[TwoBlueFish]

My 13 delivers the free papers locally, it’s one delivery during the week so no impact on weekends. Pay isn’t huge (about £5pw) but enough to give him a bit of spending money. If he really wants weekend work then maybe look for something that is only 1 weekend day, that way at least some of the Contact continues.

[stressedoutfred]

Ooh I hadn't thought about free papers, I looked into newspaper deliveries but the time doesn't work with DS and his school bus in the morning annoyingly!

It's frustrating as Ex probably works 3 out of 4 saturdays so you'd think it would be easy to find him a small Saturday job, but I know Ex won't be willing to agree to it, even though he rarely has him Saturdays anyway.

[Starlight2345]

At 14 your Ds would have a day so if he finds a job I assume he could see his Dad the same as he does on a normal week or does he only see him once every 3 weeks ?

[timeisnotaline]

I’d let ds get a Saturday job unless ex wants to pay him pocket money.
It’s hard enough for teens to find jobs, needing to find something eow is too hard. They have to grow up and good parents support that.

[stressedoutfred]

Sorry @Starlight2345 , I don't understand what you mean? DS see's his Dad every other weekend. Time he's there is determined by his Dads job rota but generally speaking he picks him up either late morning/lunch Saturday or Saturday evening

[stressedoutfred]

I agree @timeisnotaline , unfortunately Ex has very differing views to me. I think I'll broach the subject and if he says no ask that he increases maintenance

[VioletCharlotte]

You'll probably find that he'll struggle to find a job that offers him every Saturday anyway. Most complains that employee 16 year olds seem to offer a 4 hour week contract plus additional hours as needed so he'll end up working something like 3 hours one evening and 4 hours on a Sunday. I've got an 18 and a 16 year old - it's really annoying!

However, I would just tell your son to take whatever job he can get, his Dad needs to understand he's growing up and contact will need to be flexible. As he gets older, he'll be going to parties, etc and won't always want to go to his Dads for the night. It's up to your Ex to cultivate the type of relationship where they make arrangements to see each when convenient for both of them.

[VioletCharlotte]

*companies, not complains

[stressedoutfred]

Thanks @VioletCharlotte

I wish Ex understood and moved forwards as DS is getting older, but he seems to be struggling with that. There's zero flexibility, DS misses out on lots of things. He's only just starting to be reasonable about parties. It's ok for Ex to expect flexibility with regards to his work and social life though

[PixieDust100]

Your ds is only 14, does he really need to get a job working weeks so young? He’s still a kid, he will have his whole life to work.

[stressedoutfred]

He doesn't really @PixieDust100 , however at some point in the future he will - and probably before he's an adult. Most of his friends are starting to get jobs and he likes to fit in

[VioletCharlotte]

Stressed, the only job he can really do until he's 16 is a paper round, so I wouldn't worry too much.

Over the next few years you're going to see your son change quite dramatically. When he's a 6ft, 16 year old college student, there's no way he'll be complying with his Dad's demands on his time. Not when there's so much more interesting stuff going on - work, girls, mates, parties..! Lots of my friends have been in this position and it goes one of two ways - Dad and teen are in regular contact and meet up as and when it suits them both, OR Dad puts his foot down and insists teen comes to him at specified time, teen goes NC.

[stressedoutfred]

Thanks Violet, I'm going to look into paper deliveries!