Visitation Arrangements?(3 Posts)
My ex broke up with me just after Chrustmas when I was 6 months pregnant.
He was abusive during our relationship, he never was physicaly violent towards me. The was a instance where he got so mad he punched a mirror by me, shattering it which was scary but it was mostly emotional, he would be manipulative and controlling, made me feel ugly and worthless. He also would borrow large amounts of money off me that he never paid back and stole money from me.
At the end of January I tried to arrange visitation with him and suggested he come to my house once a week for a few hours so he could see the baby, this wasn't enough for him and he demanded overnight vists. His mother also started messaging me demanding this (he lives with her). I told them no as I didn't think their flat was suitable. They have a dog that isn't toilet trained and is allowed everywhere, do the flat is always covered in dog hairs and the carpets are disgusting. His mother has mental health issues including schizophrenia, when her first grandson was born she heard voices saying to kill him. They wouldn't leave me alone even when I told them I was so depressed and stressed out I had been prescribed Prozac and I was worried about going into early labour that I blocked them.
Two weeks later I went into pre-term labour (5 weeks early) and gave birth we was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks as the baby was poorly. It was a highly traumatic time for me and I decided to wait to tell my ex out of fear he would make things even more stressful and upsetting and I needed to be strong for my baby.
When I got home I messaged my ex and told him. I suggested we meet somewhere in public so he could see the baby. He wasn't happy about this, he wanted me to come to his flat but I told him no. I explained on top of my concerns about the flat I didn't feel comfortable going there, or having him know where I live.
Since then I've tried to arrange for him to see the baby a further 3 times and he only turned up once.
He has now told me that he is off to see a solicitor as he thinks I am unreasonable and he should be able to have the baby at his flat and not have to see him in public due to him having anxiety and him not being comfortable in public.
After I blocked him whilst pregnant I contacted the police and logged a report for domestic abuse incase this happened.
I don't think I am being unfair. I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable seeing him in private or letting him have the baby in that environment. I was trying my best to give him every opportunity to see the baby, yes meeting in cafes etc isn't ideal but i thought it was a fair compromise.
In others experiences what would the court suggest?
If your ex isn't keen to meet in a public place, ask him to suggest a clean safe alternative. Does he have a sister or other relative who would help. Do you have a calm tactful sister or friend who would act as host?
The court is likely to suggest a contact centre, a neutral & supervised venue. And they are most unlikely to ask you to leave a new born in a flat with an abusive ex and a granny with a history of schizophrenia.
Keep all your messages. They show you are willing to allow access, but do not give in to anything you think is unsafe. Talk to your health visitor, she should point you in the right direction. Good luck & congratulations.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.