How to explain contact to child that has never met their dad?

[Disneyfamily]

Hi I’m new to Mumsnet and looking for help.
My DS is nearly 6 and never met his dad. We weren’t in a proper relationship and went our own ways before I found out I was pregnant. Now after 6 years he’s decided he wants contact and has a court order for it although he was violent and abusive. My DS has ADHD and has never once asked about his dad and is totally not getting the idea of an absent parent or contact. How do I explain it? The contact centre were useless and couldn’t give me any help. They just told me to tell him. Has anyone had to go through contact when their DS/DD has never met their other parent? How did you handle it? What did you say? Thanks

[BubblesPip]

I’m really sorry youand your ds are having to go through this. What contact has he got? Have they met yet? The only thing you can do is be matter of fact and explain the situation in a way your ds can understand. Try not to show any of your emotions. After 6 years I can’t imagine him sticking around suddenly?! Does he pay maintenance?

[Disneyfamily]

Thanks for your reply.

He’s got contact monthly but it’s not happened yet cause DS won’t go in to the centre. Really don’t think he gets what’s going on and don’t know how to tell him a different way

[mehhh]

So sorry you're both going through this... I haven't had any experience in this so more really just to say I hope you're okay.

Maybe if your ds doesn't know the father at all, just say you're going to visit someone rather than explaining the ins and outs from the start? Surely ds' father can't expect him to know who he is and call him dad etc when he has had no contact until now? You could maybe explain the situation to him and you want to introduce the dad into the situation for ds to get used to him before you explain to ds who dad is etc? X