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DS didn't want to see his Dad

(5 Posts)
tessie31082 Tue 13-Feb-18 22:23:15

Hi all,
DS is 4 (nearly 5). Me and his Dad have been split up for 5 months now. He's always seen him on a Tuesday after work for 45mins - 1hr and up until xmas a few hours one day over the weekend (this changed to every other weekend - on his part just after xmas). Tonight I took my DS along to my ex-in laws (4 doors down from me) and left him happily eating a pancake whilst colouring waiting for his dad to arrive.. Literally 2 mins later DS was at the door (with his dad) crying because he didn't want to stay because he wanted me - he wouldn't even say bye or give him a kiss/cuddle.
DS is quite sensitive and hasn't been in his normal routine for the last 3 weeks due to his childminder being off after having a back operation also I spent the day on Thursday out (my brothers 30th) so only saw him from when we got up until I dropped him off at school.
Is this normal or is he being extra clingy because of the disruption to his normal routine? He has also started to mis behave and talk back - is this also normal for a nearly 5 year old?
Sorry for the long post!

Kingsclerelass Wed 14-Feb-18 04:22:40

in the last six months your DS has coped with you& dp separating, I guess he's started school, and his childminder isn't around.
That's quite a lot for a little boy to deal with so it may just be that. Plus it's half way through the school year and lots of kids get tired. He's still very little.
Or I think I'd be watching for a cold to start. The only time my Ds acted like this, he went down with a fever over the next day or two.
Whatever the reason he just needed his mum, probably nothing more. Anybody can have a bad day.
On the answering back, sounds like he's got to the "testing boundaries" phase. Time for lots of calm consistency smile
I hope he gets back to normal cheeriness soon.

Everywhereilookaround Wed 14-Feb-18 07:59:14

Oh wow and dad just bought him back without trying to soothe him or handle the situation? I would go with your gut instinct on this one. It doesn't sound like dad is overly interested, he's doing minimal time and can't even cope with that? That's not a parent. Sorry but I think you should reconsider contact in a different way. Talk to ex about it and see if there's a different arrangement you can make. It sounds like ds is happy with ex in-laws, could they be involved for a bit while ds builds relationship with dad?
DS behaviour sounds very normal to me, I was forced to hand over my DS to his dad who never fed him or parent him properly and it was soul destroying to see how he came home on the floor in tears. Your child's happiness is paramount. If he's suffering already with seperation I wouldn't push him too much.
Talk, mediation, think about other ways to have contact. Hug your boy he will be fine in long run,just hard for you now. It does get easier. X

tessie31082 Fri 16-Feb-18 22:47:04

Thanks for your thoughts! My ex normally has DS at his parents as he lives in a bed sit with a shared kitchen so I forbid DS to be taken there. Ex-Dp has always been rubbish which is some of the reason we split so no surprise he just came home with him and then acted like a child himself! I thought the answering back was probably normal boundary testing! I'm not going to push him, if he's like it on Sunday when he's supposed to see his Dad and doesn't want to go I think I'll offer for ex-dp to stay and play and I could go out for a coffee!?

Everywhereilookaround Sat 17-Feb-18 21:12:34

Sounds like a plan. I tried something similar in the early days, but ex used it to extend abuse (I could smell him in my bed sheets, he broke stuff and stole my miserable amount of savings I had in coins). If you are comfortable with ex in house it could work, but don't feel you have to. Besides if your child is unhappy with dad...leaving him alone in your house...his safe place ...might not be best idea. Ex needs to step up.
If DS doesn't want to see his dad, and also dad isn't bothered about spending time with DS, then I wouldn't personally push it.
Talking to ex is probably best way forward. See what he's thinking. You need to find a solution that works for DS. Hope it works out for you.

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