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Fed up with contact arrangment

(10 Posts)
motheroreily Fri 09-Feb-18 15:11:17

I've posted before about my contact arrangment. I'm feeling worried now.

Basically the arrangement I have her one weekend one month and two weekendsthe next. He also has every bank holiday. For the first 18 months my ex had her every weekend. When she started school he agreed one weekend a month.

So when we agreed this 1 weekend/2 weekend arrangmement I was over the moon as it was so generous compared to before. I'm also seeing her on her birthday for the first time in 3 years.

But now I am feeling it is so unfair. I work so only see my daughter before and after I've collected her from the childminder for an hour. One day I collect her from school and take her to an after school club.

But my daughter says she wants to see her Dad more. She doesn't want to spend more time with me. It is upsetting me so much. I wish I never agreed to this new pattern but do I look unreasonable to want to change it again?

My ex works eratic hours and starts work at 5 am so can't commit to any week days just the weekends. I am scared this is damaging my relationship with my daughter at it is too late. She is 6.

Kingsclerelass Fri 09-Feb-18 20:48:12

Op it isn't that your dd wants to see you less, it's just that you are there with her for breakfast and every teatime & bedtime, so her dad is more exciting. Don't be hurt. Kids aren't daft and she will know who is there when she is poorly or tired or needs help with homework. I know it's hard at the moment but you are still the most imprtant person in her life. flowers

Starlight2345 Fri 09-Feb-18 22:33:34

She is 6 so stop discussing it with her . Talk in facts .

You won’t damage your relationship with her . What I would do though is make sure you do fun stuff with her . I don’t mean in a Disney way . Spend time , playing games , crafts , baking . Going to the park just spending time with her .

Rainbowqueeen Fri 09-Feb-18 22:42:27

I agree that your arrangements aren't fair. You get all the hard stuff and he gets all the fun
Standard arrangements are EOW plus one night each week. Also half the holidays each
Your ex could apply for flexible working arrangements to make the mid week thing happen.

I would tell him in writing that you think this kind of arrangement would be in the best interests of your DD and see what he says. If he doesn't agree you can take it to court you would probably have to go to mediation first
Ignore what your DD says

Enidthecat Fri 09-Feb-18 23:03:43

rainbow great advice there. Limit contact and ignore what your child wants.

Queenofthedrivensnow Thu 15-Feb-18 15:38:17

It's not ignoring what the child wants it's robust parenting. Adults decide the contact and should stick to it. Is she missing her dad though and doesn't understand the contact pattern? Could you use a calendar with her to help? Kids need routine and to know what's coming next - the weekend pattern you describe sounds very abstract to a 6 year old.

Agree with pp though it should be eow

NorthernSpirit Thu 15-Feb-18 19:19:21

Your daughter wants to see her dad more.

If the dad has her 3 weekends one month (6 days) and two weekends (4 days) the next (that’s approx 5 days a month). Thats not a lot compared to you who has her the rest of the time (what.... the other circa 25 days a month).

The way I think about it is.....if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the NRP - how much would you like to see your child? What do you think is fair?

motheroreily Thu 15-Feb-18 19:36:43

Thanks for your replies

I do see what you mean as i have 25 days a month but on school days it's literally half an hour before i drop her off at the childminders and half an hour after i collect her and before bed.

Although he's the NRP he has more fun/quality time than i do. In an ideal world id like to have 50/50 shared parenting. Ie half the week and half weekends shared between us.

motheroreily Thu 15-Feb-18 19:41:30

Ps sorry i meant to add i do think its hard if a child only sees a parent eow that is a long amount of time without seeing them. I'd love it if he could see her in the week or if he'd consider splitting some weekends.

It just feels like because my job is more regular hours I get more of the difficult times

Upsidedownandinsideout Thu 15-Feb-18 19:41:31

Surely reasonable to revisit? She's not saying she wants him to have fewer days, just to balance out the weekend and holiday times.

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