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Seeing solicitor tomorrow, what should I ask for?

(9 Posts)
Justonedayatatime11 Mon 22-Jan-18 11:48:32

Exh has CAO which states he sees DD(4) EOW and 50% of his annual leave (19 days). CAO has been in place since 2015 and exh rarely sticks to it. He works in the armed forces and has admitted he hasn't got the CAO enforced as it 'would harm his chances of promotion'. DD has no consistency, he can go for a month at a time without seeing her and then expects us to drop everything when he clicks his fingers. He had DD for 10 days over Christmas and now expects ALL of Feb half term with her too, despite DD saying she doesn't want to. I'm fed up of being a doormat. He gloats that a judge would take his side as his job is so important. I don't feel it's fair on DD to have no consistency in when she sees him. Would I be mad to try and get the CAO changed to once every 3 weeks seeing as he clearly can't commit to EOW? Or would a strongly worded solicitors letter be a better starting point?

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Whoknows11 Mon 22-Jan-18 13:38:01

I have a similar issue - children’s father is in the forces and i feel the contact is all on his terms and he expects me to live my/our life around his work/plans!! V frustrating!

Yes def see a solicitor x

NorthernSpirit Mon 22-Jan-18 13:39:48

EOW, a night in the week and half of the school holidays is the norm. The dad should be trying to make this work. Can you work with him to do that?

I guess the question is - if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the NRP how would you feel if you were ‘allowed’ to see your child every 3 weeks? Just a provocation.

RandomMess Mon 22-Jan-18 13:46:27

How old is DD?

Justonedayatatime11 Mon 22-Jan-18 14:25:26

DD is 4. The contact times are what exh requested as he didn't think he could commit to any more than that. He can't even commit to what he asked for. It's an absolute joke, he expects me to jump when he clicks his fingers and gets aggressive/uses emotional blackmail if I try and stand up for myself

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ArnoldBee Mon 22-Jan-18 14:30:10

For me I guess the starting point as what can he actually do and commit to rather than pretending he can do things. Rather than argue about set days that won't be adhered to it's about stability and expectations for your child. If he can only see the child once every 6 months so be it but he needs to ensure it happens. It's more about the approach and execution than the actual days as it is causing issues for your child.

Starlight2345 Mon 22-Jan-18 14:57:31

As you were married . You will have an idea what he can commit to . It isn’t like other jobs where he can just request school holidays .

How king is he deferring cao ( I am guessing this is a change of circumstances 6 months could put you both in a better financial position . 5 years different story .

I think the emotional blackmail is another matter though . Can you do mediation and work it through .

kittensinmydinner1 Mon 22-Jan-18 19:39:11

It really all depends on his reasons for not sticking with the order. If it's because he is working that's one issue, if it's because he can't be arsed that's entirely different.
As you were married to him , do you have a realistic idea on what is possible with his job ?

Justonedayatatime11 Mon 22-Jan-18 20:09:28

He could take the order to his CO and get it enforced, thus ensuring his duty shifts would fall on weekends when he's not meant to have DD. However, he's admitted he won't do this as it would affect his chances of promotion. He's also demanding more than the 50% of annual leave which is set out in the order. DD has said she'd like to do half term 50/50 but that's not good enough for him, he wants her for the whole 9 days. I get the emotional blackmail/guilt trip if I don't give into what he wants.

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