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Toys for dads house.... who should but them?

14 replies

2kids1me · 20/01/2018 11:56

Asking a question I feel I know the answer to....
But as things naturally get a bit bitter in the minds of separated parents at times I thought I would ask.
I asked my ex to bring back my sons old toys as he had told me he doesn’t play with them.
I’m now loading the toy box back up with new xmas toys my son wants to take to play with. Thus meaning he won’t have them at home!
I’m not unduly bothered from a point of view if my sons happy I’m happy but shouldn’t my ex at least buy him some toys for his house!?
Not one thing bought purposely for his house! And he doesn’t pay much maintenance £22 a week and he’s on £32k basic a year!
I buy everything for him, and quite frankly I’m cheesed off!
Ok he got him a few xmas presents which he brought home and didn’t leave at ‘daddies’ but Christ on a bike! Buy the kid some board games a jigsaw something like play doh and a few cars to whizz around!
The charity shop would be sufficient but nope - nothing!
Rant over!
Am I being a div or would it annoy you too!?

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Ohyesiam · 20/01/2018 12:00

Yanbu, he should get the stuff your son needs for his house.

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jack2001 · 20/01/2018 12:11

He should absolutely buy his own toys

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Starlight2345 · 20/01/2018 13:32

Tabby . Special toy between houses yes but the rest no .

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Theresnonamesleft · 20/01/2018 13:37

Oh course he should. Same with clothes and other things.

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Chasingsquirrels · 20/01/2018 13:43

I'm assuming he is small and we aren't talking moveable tech which they just take with them wherever they go.

I would send the toys his dad brought him for Christmas back with him to his dad's for him to play with there.

If toys go back and forward every time and there isn't an issue with things being left in just one house then I don't see an issue with the toys being taken back and forth.
If the toys go to one place and then don't come back, then I wouldn't be sending them.

Do you send clothes or does his dad provide them while he is there?

My kids have most things at both houses, clothes, toys, books, bikes etc.
Until recently they didn't have extra shoes & coats at their dad's but now they are more into hoodies than coats they have more than one so they have them at both.
Moveable tech (phones etc) go back and forth. Games consoles that plug into tv's stay in the house that brought them.
Specialist stuff (scout shirts, sports kit etc) they just have one lot of and it goes to wherever it needs to be at the time.

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NorthernSpirit · 20/01/2018 14:36

Your kids should have clothes and toys at each home. Their dads isn’t a hotel where they pack a case. They should feel at home in each house.

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2kids1me · 21/01/2018 13:47

Try to reply to all-
The toys I bought went to stay there! As I say, did it for my little boy (he’s 4) but I was gutted watching them go and he came back today and wanted to play with them!
I also pack a bag every weekend of things he needs and receive texts from his dad informing me what he needs to take if they are doing anything specific!
Even had the cheek once to tell me my sons pjs were getting on the small side!
I almost fainted when I said he needed new shoes and he bought him some!
As I say, if they need it I have to buy it and he thinks his £22 a week covers it all, quite frankly it doesn’t come close! Not when I’m paying for uniform, clothes for home, nightwear, shoes, toys so on and so fourth!
Might have to ask him to put in some effort and get him some toys for his, and start this year birthday and xmas presents from him stay at his perhaps. It’s hard as my son goes 1 night a week so he misses his toys! Confused lol x

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Enidthecat · 21/01/2018 13:49

Why is he only paying £22 a week?

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Starlight2345 · 21/01/2018 14:52

I would inform him you won’t be buying more toys for his house . Is £22 csa minimum ? My response to pj’s would be feel free to buy him some new ones . Pj’s are the one item of clothing that works a bit small

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2kids1me · 21/01/2018 15:02

He said he can not afford more, he has 2 other children to a previous relationship.
If I went through CSA my son would get £38pw but I am trying not to cause any explosions so I keep it as it is, and he was told to then buy him some. Pjs are too small once you can see ankle bone in my eyes haha it’s all very frustrating x

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Starlight2345 · 21/01/2018 15:19

Was this an abusive relationship because I am wondering why you seem to allow him to do and act doing the minimum . Providing , toys , clothes when he doesn’t even pay legal minimum

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Ekorre · 21/01/2018 17:56

The threat of him exploding is still controlling you. I've been there, it is better in the long run to brace yourself and do whatever needs to be done.

He is taking the piss expecting you to replace pjs at his house. Point out to him that there is this amazing place called Primark. Its not just about the money, its the effort of doing parenting.

Toys stayed at whoever bought them's house. But my son did like to take something with him but it did usually travel back again.

That was until exh moved away as he had to 'put his happiness first'. Dickhead.

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2kids1me · 22/01/2018 07:20

My fiancé now is always telling me to toughen up! I am trying but it is hard, it was an emotionally abusive relationship never physical and I do Tip toe around him as he threatens not to see our son and whilst the guys an absolute arsehole I try keep that gate open.
May be I should ring the CSA back and slam him for the extra money my sons entitled to, plus when his other 2 turn 18 he will be entitled to more! I just keep putting it off as I can’t bear the thought of him kicking off at all. He always makes out I want the money for myself but I work my ass off and scrape by to get everything so the money I do receive for my son goes on those bits Kids need more often - such as shoes etc as they get trashed at school!
Christmas I scraped money to get him as much as I could and his dad moaned about £100 being spent on toys!
Ranting on again now! Sorry haha

Think I need to grow a pair and get him told regardless of the backlash

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2kids1me · 22/01/2018 07:22

Ekorre I feel your pain! My eldest Dad disappeared in to the sunset!
Silly immature boys and the kids are better off without them I say x

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