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Help! 14 weeks pregnant, affair & divorcing 😔

(10 Posts)
Victoriax3 Sat 13-Jan-18 08:19:59


I may new to here but needed to reach out and hope someone has been where I am. I know no one!
My husband Is a musician and went on first west end tour in sept and had a sexual affair with a cast member. We have 2 children at home and I am pregnant with the 3rd. For months he was lying to me and everyone and only admitted to a emotional affair until I called the girl on the 2nd and she told me the truth. I am completely devastated and the emotional and mental abuse he hasn’t put me though over the past 3 month have lead me to loosing 2 stone on weigh and being put on antidepressants. Since I kicked him out he hasn’t even said sorry, shown nor remorse for what he has done to the children and even messages me saying ‘hope you’ve had a nice day’.
I work up to 50 hour weeks as a nanny to keep a roof over our heads - I used to pay for him when he’s not got work and he served notice on our rental property which essentially made me and the children homeless but thank goodness my landlord is amazing.
I feel like I am ranting here but I don’t know anyone else in this situation or who’s ever been pregnant and split up.
People are now contacting me from the show and more and more information about what he said and did whilst away is being told to me.
My husband won’t even talk about it just said yes I’ve done it.

I guess I’d like to speak to people and find some support with others who have found they are pregnant and in an awful or have been in and awful relationships break down.

How did you survive?!


Bastardingcough Sat 13-Jan-18 08:25:57

Have you officially separated and started divorce proceedings?
He needs to be paying maintainence as a non resident parent.
Contact CAB to see what support would be available to you (housing support, tax credits, legal aid etc)
So sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you're better off without him though! Tosser!

Victoriax3 Sat 13-Jan-18 08:38:51

Within 48 hours of me finding out he served notice on the rental propert we are in and said he would not talk to me bar with a mediator or counsellor.
We’ve agreed on childcare until I go on maternity end of May as my hours are flexible so work any time between 7-7. Divorce wise we are in 2 year separation to keep costs down and when his tour comes to and end in 2 weeks he literally on has an income of 400 a month.
I just find it so hard to get my head round. Yes I am divorcing him and have all the written and verbal proof of his adultery but he spent the last month convincing me how much he loved me blah blah whilst messaging her saying she was his world. He never told her I was pregnant nor half the cast and just lied to them about how much of a bad person I was and said I slept around. I mean when would I!! We have a 2 year old I breastfed until 1!!
I think the hardest part is he took his ring straight off and sent a blank hand round to everyone saying ‘he’ll be ok in time’ but didn’t tell anyone the truth.

I just don’t understand I never imagined I’d be pregnant and on my own. Can even tell my employer what’s going on because I fear they won’t rhink I’m fit to look after their child xx

wendz86 Sat 13-Jan-18 17:09:32

I split up with my ex husband around 3 years ago when I was around 20 weeks pregnant with number 2. It was hard being pregnant without the support and I didn’t tell anyone at work till after my maternity leave as I just found it hard to talk about . I had a lot of support from friends and family though .

Whoknows11 Sat 13-Jan-18 17:50:55

My ex left me 7 months pregnant with our 2nd child. He denied there was anyone else to start with but what man leaves their heavily pregnant partner for ‘nothing’ out the blue when I thought we were happy. Turns out the girl he’d mention several times and the one I was a bit suspicious about was the one he’d been having affair with and left me for. They now have a baby!!

My life was turned upside down but I’m doing ok. I’ve avoided any antidepressant drugs through running. I ran whenever I felt low and it’s been such a pick me up.

Huge hugs going your way. Just think when this original shock and grieving is over you’re know and realise you are better off!x

Starlight2345 Sat 13-Jan-18 18:42:58

You need to find your anger . If he is working even for the next 2 weeks he doesn’t get to save that he has children to support . As for divorce . I am not sure why you think it will save money . You can divorce him on the grounds of adultery . Unless he contests it no additional costs .

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 13-Jan-18 19:05:08

Divorce costs are the same regardless of reasons, court costs go up every year so actually it is likely to be more expensive than it is now.

timewilltell23 Sat 13-Jan-18 20:50:39

I'm currently going through a similar situation OP so I really feel for you. It's hard enough going through something like this never mind while pregnant.

My husband left me at 28 weeks pregnant with our second for an 18 year old he had known for less than a month. I'm now 39 weeks pregnant and they are living together, he barely sees my DD, has shown no interest in the baby and little to no remorse.

It is horrific but the cliche of one day at a time does help. The best advice I got on here was to surround myself with friends and family and focus on my daughters. I'm not very far down the line but I can say it does get easier. Obviously when the baby comes it's going to be more difficult but I can now see how we are better off without him. He makes my skin crawl with what he's done and the little effort he has made for our children is heartbreaking. But it makes me more determined to get through it for them. The way I put it to myself is the man that I married doesn't exist anymore so I do everything I can not to let this stranger control or hurt us.

I plan to go straight for divorce on the grounds of adultery when the baby is here to get the fresh start we deserve. You will know yourself if you should do this now or wait until your no longer pregnant, you call the shots though. Do what's best for you and your kids, not him.

Sending hugs your way. X

BirminghamsPrince Sun 14-Jan-18 10:20:56

I am new to this blog and I am single father. Firstly I'm devasted and ashamed that a father never mind a man can do this to a woman and a his own kids without even popping round to say hi or check up in them.
The hardest thing I think is you trust that person with your life ans he let tou doen big time. If anything he was hokding you back. Yes you lived him and would do anything for him but he hardly worked so no income was coming in and left you to go homeless not thinking about how it have an effect on the kids. You are better off without him, it will be tough but when you have tour kids around you it will make you stronger i genuinely feel that after readinf what he did he showed no remorse to You And you deserve better than that. You are not alone either because ice read some of the threads you have a "family" here who will help you along the way if tou need a chat or help no doibt. Chin up and be positive you will be and become to get better eaxh day you have a child on the way that's a new start hun

Victoriax3 Sun 14-Jan-18 13:25:12

Thank you for all your support.
Some days I am ok, others I am not. I find I randomly cry but try and stop for the Sake for the children.

I just need to survive the next few months and find some sort of mental and emotional stability to just get me by. I need to make sure I and level for when the baby is born as I will have 3 to juggle. I admire single parents beyond words!

I sometimes wonder what I’ve don’t wrong to deserve being treated like this. Everyone is so shocked by what he has done and the general thought is ‘we never would have expected it from him’ or ‘sure not, he’s so quiet and seemed to happy’. We were so happy so I just don’t get it 😔

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