I know this will be an emotive subject but I’m after some advice about the father of my baby. It’s a complex story but I will try and keep it brief. Myself and the father are both widowed and had a brief relationship that resulted in me ending up pregnant. I’m 43 and was told I would never have children so this is my miracle baby. I gave the father the opportunity to be involved or not and has decided he wants to be part of our daughters life. Here comes the tough bits! I’m not in a relationship with him now and have told him although I’m not happy for him to be involved in the birth I’m happy for him to be at the hospital and see her the moment she’s born however he is convinced he’s entitled to be in the delivery suite and gives me a lot of grief about it. BUT I won’t change my mind on this, it may be our baby but it is my body.
The other issue is the horrible subject of finances. The situation is that he earns a £40k salary and I work 22 hours a week on minimum wage. We have discussed what he can afford and has offered to pay less than half what the minimum is expected on the gov website. His pension contributions are more than his legal requirement and yet he can’t even meet that requirement. I didn’t want to have to involve a third body but I’m starting to feel that he has left me no choice. I want to remain amicable with him but it feels more and more like he wants the benefits of being a father without financial commitment or changes to his lifestyle.
I’m now 8 months pregnant and he has had little involvement in the pregnancy (he lives 300 miles away) he’s even been to my area to go ‘walking’ and didn’t check how we were and if we needed anything.
So I suppose my questions are
Is he likely to change his attitude when he finally meets her and realise he needs to help support her?
Am I being unreasonable not letting him in the delivery room?
And
Can I refuse him overnight access initially? I don’t think I could let her be away from me overnight when she’s so little.
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10 replies
jojo2001 · 10/01/2018 16:11
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