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Need some positive single parent stories!

(20 Posts)
Afteraquietlife Tue 02-Jan-18 22:15:38

Our relationship should’ve ended months ago, but we have a 10 month old son and I didn’t want to be the one ‘taking the baby away’ (although I’d not be stopping any contact etc). Last night I’d decided enough was enough and I deserved more than being miserable.

Anyway, I’m bloody petrified of being a single mum! I’ve done my homework and know about the help I can get and it doesn’t seem as financially scary as I envisaged - although I’m not sure how accurate the figures from the Gingerbread helpline are and if they’re genuinely reflective of the help I’ll be getting.

I’m just scared I’ll be lonely as I live 20 miles from my friends and family but I know how lucky I am that they’re their and I’m in contact with them every day.

I think it’s just a fear of the unknown - especially since all I want to do is make my little boy the happiest he can be!

So please can you share the things you love about being a single parent? Xx

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Afteraquietlife Tue 02-Jan-18 22:16:40

Just to add I work full time Monday to Friday so it’s not like I’ll be in the house all day every day xx

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Solasum Tue 02-Jan-18 22:17:44

Can you move back to be with them?

I love that once my son and I get home for the day, we are in our sanctuary. Everything is calm and peaceful, and we can really enjoy spending time together.

NoqontroI Tue 02-Jan-18 22:18:50

I like the freedom to make choices and do whatever I please.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 02-Jan-18 22:24:55

I joined a single parents meet up group. We are going on holiday abroad this summer. I've made some real friends, we've had Christmas together and our kids are growing up together. At first I looked to dating as a way of easing the loneliness, but now I'm realizing how much I enjoy being free. It's nice being able to do what I like, when I Iike. I can't imagine sharing my space with another adult now.

Afteraquietlife Tue 02-Jan-18 23:02:53

How long have you all been single parents for? X

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NoqontroI Wed 03-Jan-18 01:52:33

2.5 years for me.

Nancydru Wed 03-Jan-18 02:01:14

Would you move closer to family?

Weezol Wed 03-Jan-18 02:14:19

Not an answer to your question, but my cousin is a single mum - the dad didn't turn up at maternity and hasn't been seen since. She has been nc with her immediate family since he was one, with good reason. They live in an area of London well known for gang problems and knife crime. The schools are lousy. She has always worked in retail, so not great money.

Her son went to college and university and has just taken up his first post as a pharmacist. She has just been promoted to senior manager of a large supermarket.

She and her friends took him out to celebrate his new job and he sneaked off and paid the bill for all of them.

We are all incredibly proud of both of them. They have both done so well. It can and does work out for single parents a lot more than the media would have you believe.

Afteraquietlife Wed 03-Jan-18 09:48:59

That’s a great ending for your cousin and her son smile thank you for sharing it with me! I certainly don’t have any preconceived ideas about single mums and believe the media portrayal, It’s just a scary concept I suppose isn’t it? I needed to know the happy stories rather than the custody battles, the loneliness, the general lack of finances, etc etc.

I’ve always been really good with money (I’m from Yorkshire so it doesn’t get spent unless it has to be spent wink) so budgeting won’t be a new concept, but I just hope I can do a good job really xx

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Ilovecamping Wed 03-Jan-18 09:57:25

When my ex and I broke up my family were 150 miles away, I did think about moving back but my children were settled (we had moved 2 years before). It was scary but I knew I could do it, once finances were sorted, I had just gone back to work part-time, we were fine. My children grew very close to me, and even after meeting my partner after 2 years we are still close. i was lucky in that me ex has always stayed close to the children and even used to babysit for me.

Weezol Wed 03-Jan-18 13:08:10

After We're in Yorkshire too, so she did all that in London without us nearby to offer practical support.
I just get fed up of all the 'single mum on 50k benefits' stories.

Afteraquietlife Wed 03-Jan-18 13:43:47

Hats off to her, sounds like she did a great job!!!
Yeah I’m not a fan of those stories either. The press will worth things people want to read/causes a reaction. I can’t imagine ‘single mum spends hard earned cash on necessities for child(ren) would be quite as interested for folk to read xx

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Afteraquietlife Wed 03-Jan-18 13:44:15

Write things* stupid phone!

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Starlight2345 Wed 03-Jan-18 14:51:45

I left my ex when my Ds was 10 months old though I moved into a refuge . The early years are tough when Ds doesn’t sleep .co parenting if you both do it can work well however my ex hasn’t seen Ds since he was 3 . We have a very close , I decide what we do when we do it .

rockingrubble Fri 05-Jan-18 23:46:04

Being a single mum is amazing! The bond you build is so strong and you quickly learn how to be independent. It's so scary at first but it really is life changing, in a great way!
You can do what you want, when you want to.
Ive been on my own since feb last year and I wouldn't have it any other way. My son is such a happy contented child and I know my hard work is paying off.
I worry I won't be able to meet anyone else now because I just love being on my own so much 😂
You'll quickly adjust don't worry x

Kingsclerelass Sat 06-Jan-18 00:51:45

I agree with rockingrubble, being the sole parent can be great. I left my ex when ds was 3. It's been hard work but ds is 9 now, happy, confident & doing well.
I can spend more time supporting his homework without conflict. I do much less cooking, cleaning, ironing. Ds has never seen drunkenness or heard us argue. My ex sees ds every week and we've managed to keep it civil.
There are lots of up-sides. If you're used to running a budget, you'll be fine. Good luck

LizaJane85 Sat 06-Jan-18 08:37:41

I've been on my own since September. It was tough at first, my ex has already moved in with someone new (if he wasn't seeing her before, of course).
But I took action and it's really paid off. DD, who is 2 and I stayed with my sister till just before Christmas and I'm now typing this is my own flat! The freedom is so intoxicating, it feels great that I'm creating a life for DD and I, away from all the arguments and misery.
I work 4 days a week and was scared I'd be crippled financially especially as stbxh barely contributes. But I get help paying the rent, get a decent amount through tax credits and manage to make ends meet. It's going to be a struggle but that doesn't matter as long as my little girl is happy.

Chocolatecake12 Sat 06-Jan-18 08:44:23

I’ve been single for 4 years now although I have a new partner.
For me the best times are at parents evenings when teachers say how polite my kids are, how they are a pleasure to teach etc. Because I’ve done all the hard work in bringing them up by myself.
Yes it’s tough, but a happy and positive parent can raise happy positive children!

mustbemad17 Sat 06-Jan-18 08:50:03

I was a single mum to my DD from 6mths until 4.5 in an area without family support & very few friends. It was hard work at first but it was also really rewarding. The bond I have with my DD is amazing. I was in a relationship again when she was 4.5 & now she is nearly 6 i'm embarking on single parenthood again but also expecting 😱 The only thing i'm terrified of is not being able to give my DD the time she is used to; everything else about being a single mum just came back naturally.

Having now done both, i think i actually prefer being a single mum. I don't have to meet anybody's expectations bar my own & we can doss about in pjs at the weekend without being moaned at 😆

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