Father of my children left 5 weeks ago and I can't even begin to get over it...

[Caroline1986]

This is my first ever thread on MN but over the past 5 weeks I have read a lot of similar threads to this and it has really helped to hear about other people in the same boat as me.

I have 4 children 10 & 8 year old girls from a previous relationship and 5 & 3 year old boys from the relationship which has just ended.

My ex left on the 28th November, the day before our sons 5th birthday. He text me while I was at work telling me he had moved his stuff out of our house. He is now staying with his Mum until he can find his own place.

We did have a lot of problems in our relationship, I am a total control freak which is really hard for a partner to deal with, I can completely underatand that. I got my first job after being a stay at home mum for 5 years back in the summer as the secretary at the school that my children go to and ever since then I think we've grown apart even more due to me having more to think about and I probably did start putting him last.

I know all the things I did wrong in our relationship and he did try to talk to me about it towards the end but I just didn't have the time or energy and basically brushed our problems off saying "we'll be ok" and "don't be dramatic" etc. I wish so much I had just stopped and listened now and sorted things out while I had the chance!!

I miss him like mad and literally can't think of a single other thing apart from him 24/7. I can't sleep and when I do I wake up in the middle of the night and check my phone (of course theres no messages). I can barely get out of bed in the mornings, I can't eat. I'm contantly just trying to think of ways to get him back and convince him that things will be different. He doesn't want anything to to do with me, i've begged and begged for him back!!

I think its so hard because I know i'm the one to blame for all this so i've brought it all on myself. I just need to know how to get through this!!

Anyone who has been through this please please give me some advise on how to get through each day? And when does it start getting better?!?

I've been staying with my mum because i'm just struggling so much but I can't rely on other people to basically look after me and my children forever.

Its been just over a month now and my ex just thinks I should be over it and focussing on him maintaining a good relationship with the boys but everytime I speak to him with the intention of it being about the children I end up begging for him back and he gets annoyed with me!

Help! Please!

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

Whoah. So your relationship fell apart because you went back to work? God that's him not you. I know it doesn't seem like it but you will survive this and you will get back on your feet x

[Whoknows11]

Don’t blame yourself for the relationship ending. It takes two for it not to work.

If it’s over like he says then your only choice is to move on. But yes it’s still very raw so give yourself time to heal, that takes a lot longer. You are prob still in shock.

You need to start thinking about yourself and your children. Start slowly and take each day at a time. Try and give yourself daily goals and you’ll feel great once you’ve achieved something.

It’s a tough time of year for break ups but just know you will get over him and find happiness again x

[Vada83]

I really feel for you as my husband left me in a similar way. It was so very hard for a long time then I some how started to see him more clearly and see what an awful person he was and the blame I put on my self was misplaced as he was to blame not me. It’s hard now but class yourself lucky because anyone that can move out without sitting down and talking to you first is not very nice. It will get better and you deserve better then that everyone does.