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I offered too much contact

4 replies

snackajacker · 09/12/2017 18:04

I was recently back in court with my abusive ex. I was fed up and drained. DD adores her dad and I argued against him getting more contact because his abuse continues to extend to DD emotionally eg telling her he’ll never see her again if she doesn’t keep his secrets and being verbally abusive towards me.

The courts sided with him and I was asked if I’d give up an extra night and I irrationally said yes. And now it’s done. He has more contact than he should ever have. He has promised to no longer use emotional blackmail though. Not sure I believe it though. I cannot believe I have been so utterely stupid. It’s too late. He has 50/50 contact and I feel so alone and stupid. I wish I could take it back but it’s too late. I’m such a stupid fool and at the moment I’m going through what I can only describe as grief. Please help me rationalise this.

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Hannahbec · 09/12/2017 18:13

I'm so sorry to hear that, I gave my ex too much contact to begin with and now due to ongoing emotional abuse and the children being so distressed the other night our eldest told me she was taking a knife to him so I've spoken to my solicitor again and it appears it is sooo much harder to reduce contact than I thought and we don't even have a legal agreement so I can understand how you feel in some ways.

Do you think he will change his ways? You say you child loves spending time with him, did cafcass speak to her and if so what did they say?
Im so sorry you're going through this but you aren't alone and I'll talk for as long as you need xxx

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NorthernSpirit · 09/12/2017 23:29

You ‘gave’ too much contact. The father as as much right to see the children as you.

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/12/2017 11:53

OK let's try to rationalise it.

You are upset because of his behaviour and because you love your child. All completely natural and normal.

However the reality of the situation is that if your DD is happy with the arrangement that must be the first priority.

I would also say that it is not one parent's right to 'offer' or 'give' visitation to the other. Both parents have equal rights. That doesn't automatically mean visitation time will be equally split - it depends on what is best for the child.

You said your daughter adores her dad so presumably it is good for her to be with him just as much as she is with you?