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Change in child's behaviour

(6 Posts)
Dottylives Wed 06-Dec-17 20:45:59

Hi,
I’m recently a single mum to DD and would like some advice on the changes in behaviour and what to look out for.

Husband / her dad left 3 months ago. He had been sleeping in the spare room for 4 months prior so she knew that things were not right.

I have been honest with her (she’s 5) in that this is his decision and not mine. She has said mummy’s heart is broken and that “daddy doesn’t like mummy anymore”

Over the past week, her behaviour has changed. She comes into bed with me every night because she doesn’t like being on her own and she gets upset over the most bizarre (to me) things. Today she sobbed all the way home from school and she told me she just felt sad and didn’t know why. She did the same yesterday.

I know that she must have all these strange (to her) emotions, which she doesn’t know or understand.

I know all children are different but I wondered if there are emotional phases people have experienced. What changes I need to look out for which might be red flags to a connection with her dealing with the loss of her daddy.

It may be that she was just tired after school and didn’t want to walk home but I think and feel that there is more to it.

It breaks my heart seeing her so sad.

I’m dreading Christmas ☹️

MonumentalAlabaster Wed 06-Dec-17 20:49:24

I'm so sorry you are having such a sad & difficult time and so worried about your daughter.

Does she still see her father or is he out of her life altogether?

Dottylives Wed 06-Dec-17 23:01:46

She still sees him. She goes to his house to stay every other weekend and then for tea during the week for one night.
(She comes back a little devil!!)

MonumentalAlabaster Wed 06-Dec-17 23:39:06

From your description she sounds confused and insecure. Try to give her plenty of opportunity to tell you how she is feeling so that you can reassure her. If she is aware that "mummy's heart is broken" and "daddy doesn't like mummy anymore" she may feel she cannot tell you about her own sad feelings because she doesn't want to add to your unhappiness. I remember feeling this after my father left my mother & us (although I was older than 5) so bottled it all up and it came out as tears & temper alternately.

I hope this helps and I'm sure you are doing your very best for her.

Dottylives Sat 09-Dec-17 09:35:20

Thank you @MonumentalAlabaster
That's a really good point about her not feeling able to express feelings.
At times she has been the parent to me!

VanGoghsLeftEar Sat 09-Dec-17 09:44:46

When BIL and his partner split up, DHs DN went through a terrible time. Even though she saw her Dad regularly, she became more withdrawn and she lost interest in everything, including her beloved dance classes. She hasn't gone back to the child she was three years ago before the split, but her old humour and character is coming back. She's now 12.

I think it takes time. DN had a nice life then her world was severely changed and she was shaken. It takes a while for acceptance of the new order. Just keep reassuring her, and say, I'm here to talk to if you need me.

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