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Am I a lazy mum?! - 8 month baby(20 Posts)
So my baby is 8 months old now. He still almost exclusively breast feeds - (what I give him really varies from day to day sometimes mashed sweet potato, sometimes baby food...can be 3 meals, sometimes he doesn't manage any). He also naps for quite a lot of the morning and some of the afternoon. In between this, I try to take him out, but he normally falls asleep after a while in his buggy. We co-sleep and he wakes up every couple of hours to feed. We have absolutely no routine but he seems like a very happy baby, he's 50th percentile with weight and is meeting development milestones ect.
I'm a single mum who has just gone back to work with a couple of night shifts from home, and I'm also quite busy with PhD applications. I don't have family near by and can't afford childcare right now (and quite nervous about it because he's still only 8 months). My ex is abroad, and none of my friends have babies - so basically I'm not getting much help or guidance!
My mum said I should be weaning him properly, sleep training him to get him to sleep through the night and in his own bed, and generally doing more activities. She said that he is acting like a month-old baby, in how he sleeps and feeds. Am I a lazy mum?! Should I be more active in getting him to progress in stuff like weaning and sleeping? I'm planning on taking him to playgroups asap - is this really late to start?
Weaning yes. It’s about teaching your kid about different foods and textures and it’s a gradual journey to replace solely milk with majority food.
Sleep wise: well sleep is important so if child is getting plenty and you are feeling ok, keep going.
Meh. You’re doing it solo, set your own rules. I knew a single mum who was also doing a PhD. She’s go to bed at 7 with the baby and wake up at around 3am then do all her work in the middle of the night until the baby woke.
Her take on it was that she could set her own schedule because the only person she was answerable to was her baby.
I thought it was a really good approach.
sounds fine to me, he is still tiny .
so you dont need to worry about childcare for the moment = put that out of your mind for now then.
Hardly too late to start going to eg mums and babies group if there is such a thing in your area. Bit early for playgroups or mums and tods as I guess he is not walking yet.
It sounds like you are doing a great job - don't let your mother undermine that.
It would be nice for you both to get out and about more to groups soon.
very thing else sounds fine.
Please Don’t Sleep train ever.
My 18 month old DD has a fairly strict routine as she likes it and it makes her happier. We still cosleep.
Food before one is for fun. I'm sure my HV told me this many times. So like PP said it's about exploring textures etc.
We still co sleep at 2.5 years so 🤷🏻♀️
You’re fine, you’re baby is healthy and happy just do what works for you.
There will always be people telling you do this or that, there are so many different opinions that you can’t possibly follow everyone’s personal rules that worked for them so just do what’s right for you.
For sure I give him food! It just varies - we aren't on three meals everyday. Sometimes it will be porridge and baby food/ mashed stuff, other days will be finger food and some egg yoke, other days will just be one meal. I think the bulk of his intake is still coming from breastfeeding though.
Yeah, sometimes I think being able to set your own schedule is an upside to being a single mum! Sometimes it also makes me worried am not doing it right
You sound like you're doing a fab Job!? I suppose until your LO starts nursery/school, then the sleeping is what is best for you both.
I go to groups all the time with my almost 7 month old and still struggle with weaning and sleeping. X
you are responding to his needs.
Your mum needs to wind her neck in. Your baby's main source of food should still be milk until 1yo. And I totally agree with Chaos about sleep training. You're doing great.
I’d start with the weaning But in terms of sleep training it’s baby no1, make your own rules. It’s only when you already have one needing to be at school that you find yourself knackered without a routine!
I find this totally inspiring. I'm only 3 months in and wish I'd never heard any of the 'shoulds' of parenting. Fortunately haven't implemented any of them but wasted far too much mental energy reading about routines etc.
Never change OP!
It's not at all late to start playgroups. It's mostly you that will benefit- you need some non-judgey mum friends to offset your DM!
Have a read of this to reassure yourself, and bear in mind that your DM probably got given very different advice:
Ps if you go to baby groups you will probably find 80-90% of conversations go like this:
"Are you having much luck with weaning/sleeping? Because I'm really struggling, my baby... <something amounting to: doesn't really want to do either of those things>"
Other Mum: "Oh god me too, it's really getting me down, s/he just won't <whatever>"
At this point you will have to resist the temptation to point out to them that there is Another Way, which is to not worry about it too much. If you do say this then they may look like you've grown a third head (I would have worshipped you as a prophet up until DC1 turned 2, but that's me).
I'm placing this here so I can reply properly in the morning Op -- YOU ARE NOT A LAZY MUM xx
I echo the advice above, you asked about playgroups, not late at all to start, in fact my DS didn’t get much out of playgroups till about 9 months . Have you tried things like baby sensory classes though, something with more structure and lots of music?
I’m curious, if you din’t have any childcare how do you do a night shift then look after the baby in the daytime?
Wouldn't worry, sounds like you are doing a great job. Everyone loves to have an opinion and usually a negative one!
@JessieMcJessie I sleep with the baby for his long morning nap - which can last 3 hours if I'm sleeping next to him - and go to bed with him at 8 the next night/ generally have a pyjama day without any chores or even getting dressed - those really are lazy days, but I try to keep them to just 2 a week! And its just temporary....I hope by the time he's one, we'll be financially/ emotionally ready to start couple of mornings childcare.
I'm putting off playgroups for now because the only age appropriate one is a morning after one of my shifts. But I started a course of swimming lessons today - private ones in a posh area - they were dunking underwater first lesson, very intense! My baby didn't like it very much and I found the mums a bit intimidating, but will try again next week.
Will check out sensory classes also.
Thanks for all the supportive replies ladies xxx
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