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Overnight Stays

(7 Posts)
FTMum2016 Thu 30-Nov-17 14:02:17

Me and my ex split when I was pregnant and since then he has seen her once a week for a few hours. She is nearly 18 months. Recently he has become unreliable and has seen her twice in the past 7 weeks due to him being on multiple holidays. I have recently moved into my own place and entered into a new relationship. My ex knows about this and has now demanded that my daughter stay at his parents (where he currently lives) overnight every other week. When she goes to his house on a Saturday I send her lunch, snacks, a change of clothes, nappies, wipes etc, he doesn’t provide anything. When I stopped sending food he kicked off and told me that I don’t provide for my daughter hmm I also know that there is no room for her to sleep as there is no room in his room for a travel cot and there is no spare bedroom. Do I have any rights regarding this as he keeps trying to bully me into this and it’s getting harder to avoid the question. He will only confront me when I am on my own (without my partner) and knows he can get to me.

lionguard Thu 30-Nov-17 14:10:06

Once your child is older overnight stays will be reasonable. My child started staying over the odd night at 2 years old (she was bf until 19 months)

Stop providing clothes etc, he should be providing nappies etc when she's at his. Use the overnights to encourage him to take some responsibility for kitting her out. If she has a suitable bed and the things that she needs at your exes, I don't see any reason for not letting her stay over night - if your ex went to court (presuming no abuse, drugs etc) he would win.

Whoknows11 Thu 30-Nov-17 17:18:31

Ask to see where she’ll be sleeping etc. Also when he asks to discuss it say you would rather not as you don’t wish to in front of your daughter and say you can communicate via email on childcare matters.
He should be providing all her care needs whilst she’s with him not you.

Court would agree to overnights if there are no child protection issues.

Hope that helps

octobersunshine Thu 30-Nov-17 22:25:29

I have this problem too OP, and totally get it. Ex did nothing until DS was 17 months (now 19 months). Ex is in a shared house and I've said no overnights but he says he's buying a house soon and wants him overnight. DS had had 3 houses in his short life (me and ex, my parents, and now my own house) and has only recently started sleeping through. I've said no as I don't want to disrupt his routine, and not least because DS doesn't have that secure attachment with DS yet, where he's comforted by him when he's upset. I have no doubt that the courts would rule otherwise as no child protection issues etc, but I don't think they consider the nuances of the situation. So I try my best to keep it out of court. The way I see it, DS can have a relationship without overnights. Night time is a vulnerable time for such a young child, and he never made the effort at the right time to establish a parental relationship, so until DS can understand where he's going and why, I feel like overnights wouldn't be appropriate.

Phillipa12 Fri 01-Dec-17 05:30:46

op when he tells you that you are not providing for your child point out that she is his daughter to and that whilst she is in his care its his parental responsibility to provide for her. I used to provide nappies and wipes for my youngest when they visited their dads, i dont anymore after i caught him telling my oldest to put the bumper pack of nappies back in his car as he had brought them! Its the little things, i would just hand over a baby change bag with an extra set of clothes and a sleepsuit, its his responsibility to have toys, food, wipes and nappies, and a travel cot. I would also ask that any future discussion about your dd be done via email/text and if he tries to talk to you just say put it in an email please and say no more.

FTMum2016 Sat 02-Dec-17 07:17:04

So I made the point that he doesn’t provide anything for her when she is there and his reply was ‘well that’s what I pay you for’ this is why I can’t have a civil concersatiOn with him!

lionguard Sat 02-Dec-17 07:20:30

You have to learn to ignore that stuff.

Just send her with nothing and keep repeating "you need to provide it"

Stop feeding the attention.

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