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Introducing his girlfriend

(8 Posts)
Virgo88 Wed 29-Nov-17 22:47:12

So 5 weeks ago my husband left myself (7 months pregnant ) and my 3 year old daughter for an 18 year old he met on a stag do. Completely out the blue, no warning and it was only because I caught him texting her, not because he came clean. Now aside from feeling like I'm living an episode of Jeremy Kyle, I have had him mention quite a few times now how one day his girlfriend will be part of both my kids lives. My question is how long do normal people wait before introducing new partners to their children and what rights do I have about who is around my daughters? Even after everything he has done, I have still made every effort for him to continue a relationship with our now very fragile 3 year old but I feel like this is a ridiculous conversation to every broach with me right now. It's been 5 weeks and he has only known her for 2 months. And the girl has definitely been showing her maturity level with the public displays of affection she posts all over the internet, bragging about their relationship which he completely indulges in with them both going out their way to ensure I see everything. They are beyond disrespectful and have no remorse over their actions. I don't really want that kind of person round my children, it's bad enough their own father has that sort of behaviour.

He took it upon himself to show our daughter pictures of this new girlfriend at the weekend, told her who she was, her name etc and my little girl ended up heartbroken and so confused. He apologised and said he had made a terrible mistake in doing so after how she reacted but I obviously don't trust that his intentions are to prioritise what's best for our children.

I've asked him to keep her separate from our daughters but I don't know what else I can do. Any advice would be great. Thanks

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 30-Nov-17 07:50:57

You can not prevent him from introducing her, but it would be worth discussing with him that your DC need time to get used to Mummy and Daddy not living together. That he and his DC need to build the relationship between just them so that they have strong foundation from when any partner is eventually introduced.
Sadly my
ExH got it all wrong he introduced DD to OW 3 days after he left the house and threw her straight into a 'new family'. Now 5 years later DD is 13 has no respect for her Dad, I have never spoken to her about why we split, but she knows due to his actions. She has not seen him for nearly a year now. He and his family blame me, but it is his own actions that lead here.
Conversely I was alone for 4 years we built a strong foundation together, my new partner was introduced slowly and it was at least 9 months before he spent any significant time with her. She is very fond of him and him of her, but she and I still get time alone together.

Whoknows11 Thu 30-Nov-17 13:43:56

I feel I could have written this apart 18yr old and stag do, myself.

It’s just truly awful and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. My ex had professional ‘family’ pictures done with our children and the ow and when I told him I thought he was sick in the head, his response was that they are a family and I need to come to terms with it.

I couldn’t stop my ex introducing my children to the ow but I put a stop to her looking after my baby whilst my ex did fun stuff with our 4 yr old. That outraged me.

My children now 7 and 2 and have a half sibling who is a year old. My 7 yr old is very mature and is aware what went on. I haven’t hid anything from him when he’s asked questions. I don’t bad mouth his father but he knows how I feel about him and the ow. The older he gets the more he realises what his father did was wrong. I just hope they both grow up respecting women as they’ve been brought up by a very strong, self reliant woman.

Just be there for your children and listen to them. They’ll see it for how it is soon enough x

Virgo88 Fri 01-Dec-17 10:17:23

Thank you both so much for your replies. It helps to hear how people have handled similar situations and that the children are able to come out the other end seeing things for themselves. I would never bad mouth him to any of my daughters but any pain experienced so far has been all his own doing.

I just feel that she has already been through more than enough and will never understand why it would even cross his mind to introduce this young girl. I can already see parts of their relationship breaking down because she only sees him twice and week and has become so reliant on me being the constant in her life. Not only that, mentioning this girlfriend might be coming to live with him when they have known each other 2 months is bonkers to me. I just don't feel like he's considering the impact his actions will have on his daughter like a normal parent would.

Guess it's one day at a time with this one x

NorthernSpirit Fri 01-Dec-17 11:07:48

As hard as it is you can’t stop the father introducing his girlfriend to the kids (even though morally it may not be right).

I was introduced to my OH’s children after 7 months of us dating. He had been divorced for over 2 years when I met him). The EW wasn’t happy about this and stopped the dad seeing the kids. It went to court and the EW was told by a judge she was being unreasonable and what the dad does and who he introduces the children to on his time is his decision. She has no say.

Since then the mother has introduced the children to numerical boyfriends after just a couple of weeks who apparently have ‘sleep overs’. My OH has no say in this.

As hard as it is, let him get on with it. Be there for your children and take the higher moral ground.

letsdolunch321 Fri 01-Dec-17 11:23:12

Firstly what a cunt this man is. A selfish cunt showing his daughter pictures of his girlfriend !!!!

So sorry to read your post OP i hope you are doing well considering what has happened recently.

I think go with your gut instinct regards your DD meeting the girlfriend. She is a fragile little poppet who has had her world torn apart, if you don’t feel she is ready don’t allow it - Age 3,4 is when first memories develop don’t let this be a bad memory for your DD.

I met my partners kids 9mths after meeting him and these were older kids. Does he want the girlfriend to meet your daughter so they can play mummy & daddy - The Twats

Good luck with the new baby and your daughter x

Virgo88 Sat 02-Dec-17 13:46:21

Thanks guys and letsdolunch I really appreciate your well wishes.

I just think so much has happened in only 5 weeks - it wasn't an amicable split we both saw coming, it's literally like he's done a runner with this girl for a new life but still wants to play dad now and then and expects my daughter to fit in which I just can't allow. I know I will have to deal with the dreaded introduction to a new partner of his but I just think for the foreseeable future it should be out the question because she is so young and delicate right now with the added change of becoming a big sister so we should be able to do whatever we can to put her first and make sure she's happy and settled.

It's hard when the other parent doesn't seem to be on the same page. X

Tinselistacky Sat 02-Dec-17 13:50:01

The quickest way for your ex to start concentrating on your dd is to allow him to mix the 2 as much as he likes. 3 yo +new young gf won't last long imo. Once she realises she isn't able to go out / be the one and only girl in his life she will bolt , and once he lands back to earth he can start parenting again.

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