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Can't afford to see kids but can buy new house?

(12 Posts)
StrongerThanIThought76 Wed 29-Nov-17 18:00:24

Acrimonious divorce, ended up in court for more than fair division of assets considering the fact I paid house deposit and he cleared out the joint savings.

I moved back to my hometown but agreed to do half of all travel. I have NEVER refused contact, and have taken to and collected them from his door many times

Kids saw dad EOWend to begin with, now dwindled to twice a year. Rarely ever contacts the kids although they have own phones etc.

Constant excuse is that he can't afford to see them. This is despite a full time job with plenty of overtime. Never sends birthday/christmas gifts. Never pays a penny over CMS amount. Argued to make private arrangement for maintenance 12 months ago when CSA/CMS changeover happened which eventually revealed a £6k payrise.

Latest bombshell is he's selling his flat and buying a house THAT COSTS £105K more than the flat. After replacing the kitchen last year.

I really don't give a flying fuck where the money is coming from. I don't know his family circumstances (ie if he's received any inheritances etc) as there is no contact from any of his family.

What kind of absolute fucking piece of shit screws his kids up so badly yet boasts to them that he's got £105k pulled out of his arse to buy a new house? Can't afford to see them whilst working, when in the time we've been split up I've been unemployed, part time and now full time in addition to parenting 24/7/365?

(Rant over, as you were)

HopeClearwater Wed 29-Nov-17 19:41:40

Answer... an absolute fucking piece of shit.

PippaPiper Wed 29-Nov-17 19:43:13

^^ This

hermoninny Wed 29-Nov-17 19:45:58

I'd just like to say that this is my father too. Always Just said he couldn't afford to drive 2 hours to see us. Never called. And yet he had a West Ham season ticket. Every. Single. Year. Oh... and a company car.

hermoninny Wed 29-Nov-17 19:49:31

Posted too soon. I just wanted to say OP that this doesn't have to be a major problem for your kids. I turned out just fine. My sister has a huge chip on her shoulder - but that's just because my mother did nothing but bitch about it to us when we were young.

I know it hurts and you're angry - you are right to be. But try not to make it worse by bitching and ty to take the moral high ground.

I never needed my dad in the end. I turned out fine (I think!!)

StrongerThanIThought76 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:55:14

Oh I'm all for taking the moral high ground, have always shielded the kids from his shitness. Now it's just "I've tried my best kids, you'll have to ask dad why he's not seeing you".

And do they advocate this in the West Ham match programme? There's a familiar theme here....

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 19:59:07

What a bloody shame for your kids. If they have their own phones I'm assuming they are older and will probably eventually make their own decisions about him and his behaviour.

As a daughter of a mother who pulled a similar shitty stunt I can say with some confidence that they will not put up with it for long and you'll (sadly) have to deal with the fall out from that.

You sound like you are on it though! They are lucky to have you ((hugs))

StrongerThanIThought76 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:15:31

I am dealing with it constantly - every time they get older they 'get it' a bit more. We've been separated/divorced 7 years and they are now secondary age. Thankfully it's not every fortnight when he used to call to cancel as we were getting in the car to go meet him, but every couple of months something else drops ibto place in their brains, and this new house malarkey has really upset them both.

Tinselistacky Wed 29-Nov-17 20:18:14

My df won enough on the football pools years ago to buy a 3 bed semi some years ago but didn't have bus fare to come see me and his dgc.
Some people just don't deserve to be dps .

hermoninny Wed 29-Nov-17 20:41:51

Haha maybe it is a West Ham issue OP. When we were kids he told us it was cheap to get a season ticket because people didn't go very often otherwise. Imagine my surprise years later when I found out the cost and that you can take your kids to these games too!!!

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 30-Nov-17 13:45:55

Maybe its all mortgage. Then you can sit smugly knowing he's getting deeper into debt.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor Tue 12-Dec-17 00:32:07

Yes I have one of those too. Now DD older I am just letting everything he does (or doesn't) trickle in and hope that the one gift he gives is for her to learn that life is not a fairytale, not everything is what is says on the tin, people can be selfish liars etc etc etc which I wish I had learned sooner.

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