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Going alone and scared

(5 Posts)
Melp38 Wed 29-Nov-17 10:25:42

Hi all, Iv managed to get myself in a awful situation.
I have 3 children from my ex husband who was violent and very controlling. We have been split for over 10 years. I was a single parent for 5 years not wanting to settling.
My children and I are extremely close. It was just us and it took someone amazing to be involved. I met my ex partner through volunteering through social services. We both mentor young children in care. He was/is amazing and made me and the kids so happy. My ex husband hated him and caused a lot of problems but we kept ourselves to ourselves and didn't let us affect us. Unfortunately my ex partner wanted children of his own, we tried and I had 3 miscarriages in the 4 years of being together. This hit me hard I fell apart and let it come between us. I split with him in January. My choice ... the wrong choice.
So iagain it's just been me and my girls. I work full time and heading towards a promotion.
Last month a guy (contractor at work) asked me on a date, I agreed. He told me he had 2 kids, him and his ex split after having a still birth. He was obviously very upset. He seemed sweet and we carried on dating. Everyone at work knew we were dating and they liked him and liked how happy he made me after a tough few years,
One night the kids were all sleeping out and I got drunk and had unprotected sex with this guy ( I hate this ) it was an amazing night and I started to really like him.
This Saturday, this guy came clean and told me he is still with his girlfriend, he doesn't love her and is trying to finish it but she keeps making it difficult and stops him seeing the kids every time he tries to leave.
I have obviously ended things and asked him to leave me alone. I have no desire to get involved with this and would never of done that to another woman if I had the choice in the first place, my heart feels for her she has been through so much.
This woman though has since randomly added my friend on fb. We have no idea why and I haven't reacted to this but I have checked her fb and she is obviously so in love with this guy !! The guy has messaged me telling me that he is going through a tough time. His justification for it was that when we met he was in the process of splitting up when he asked me out and was hoping it would be all sorted soon, so I would never have to find out that he was in fact still living with her and that he just came clean as he didn't want to lie to me anymore and his break up with the woman was proving to be difficult ( Suicide attempts) He was initially worried about telling me as he knew what my reaction would be.
This justification hasn't changed how I feel as far as I'm concerned Iv been lied to and have no interest in getting involved. I can't lie I really liked him, now I hate him. I wish I could walk away.
On Monday I found out I was pregnant. I have very mixed feelings about this but it is instant love. The same as it has been for all my pregnancies, no one knows, it's just me. The problems I now have to face because of my own stupidity. I can do this on my own, I'm strongly independent I don't need a man !! But How do I tell my children I had unprotected sex with a random guy. They are going to be so ashamed of me. I am so scared of my ex husbands reaction to this. I have no one here to support me through it. He will try to turn my children against me I just know he will. He will kick off at me. Even after 10 years he still seems to have this control and uses the children to gain this control. . My ex partner will be heartbroken, I told him I didn't want to try again for a baby as the miscarriages I had was to much for me deal with. And now I'm pregnant with another mans baby !! My family will support me but I know they will disapprove. Work colleagues will just think of me as a slag which I am obviously.
The father doesn't know, I don't know ifI should /how to tell him. They impact it's going to have on his ex(????) girlfriend. This would probably destroy her, how can I do this to another human being. My heart is breaking for her, knowing she has lost a little one. He keeps texting me telling me he is leaving her and going to stay with his mate and is begging me to give him one chance as that his feelings for me are serious. I can't even reply, I just breakdown. I don't know where to go from here I'm so scared of everything but I do know I want this baby, I love it already. Abortion is not even an option, I could not deal with it. I know there is a high probability of Miscarrying again.., the thought of this breaks my heart . If only I wasn't so bloody stupid in the first place. A lot of people are going to be so hurt from this. I just don't know how I'm going to through this guilt I'm feeling

Melp38 Fri 01-Dec-17 21:06:23

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free2017 Sat 02-Dec-17 08:21:49

Didn't want to read and run but what is done is done . You can't go back in time . find a way to tell the new guy about the pregnancy. Your children will probably be excited about having a new sibling. Good luck smile

Summerisdone Sat 02-Dec-17 08:58:41

Please don’t feel your kids will be ashamed of you, you’ve done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Sit them down and explain the situation, be as honest as you can with them (age dependent of course) and explain to them that whilst obviously unprotected sex wasn’t wise, this was still with a man you were in a relationship with and cared for very much, because that is exactly where you were at, even if he wasn’t.
In regards to his lies and cheating, you cannot take responsibility for another person’s actions, if anything you are also a victim to his deceit and lies.

If anything though, you could use this as a life lesson for your children; this is why they must always have protected sex in the future, until of course they’re at a stage in life to be trying for a child themselves.

Good luck OP, and I hope things start looking up for you flowers

ThisLittleKitty Sat 02-Dec-17 13:16:17

Your children won't be ashamed! How old are they? You don't need to go into that much detail. Bet they will love having a baby brother or sister!

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