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Unsupportive parents

(20 Posts)
Amber5099 Wed 22-Nov-17 13:43:52

Hi I’m a single parent 19 years old live with my parents they don’t offer much support I’m learning to drive so my dad usually takes LO for an hour and that’s it for the whole week both when Mum and Dad are in house they won’t even offer to take LO to give me a break
They say they’ve got work and there tired and I understand that but they go to bed at like 2 In the morn and are up early so they sleep during day
It’s put me off future kids because it’s that hard
Also every time I say that I’m tired or Iam grumpy due to lack of sleep they fall out with me it only adds to my stress list I find it hard to talk to them because they dismiss me or almost gang up im just not sure how to cope with this x

Kingsclerelass Wed 22-Nov-17 14:04:42

Do they cover all the bills & food ? Free room?

It sounds like they are just making clear that LO is your responsibility & they don't want to be on-tap babysitters. You don't say how old your LO is but I bet once they see you are a dedicated mum, they'll ease up.

You just need to keep your head down and spend all your time with LO. You'll get brilliant at looking after him/her really quickly. Definitely not a good idea to have another one while you're finding it hard.

BronteBell Wed 22-Nov-17 14:06:50

I don't want to make you feel more down than you already are, but with respect - why do you feel your parents should be taking up the slack? It wasn't their choice I'm sure, for you to have a baby, and they are housing you both.

They have already bought you up (and any siblings you might have) and it's now their time to spend as they wish. They are not being unreasonable - I'm afraid you are though

DancesWithOtters Wed 22-Nov-17 14:12:17

Do all 3 of you work FT?

Amber5099 Wed 22-Nov-17 14:24:11

Well originally I wanted to move out have my own space and they said I’d have support here but I don’t feel there is
I know he is my responsibility and I know that I must be the one to take care of him he is 7 months but was born premature so his corrected age is 4 months so it takes longer for him to develop they also said they would help with night feeds when they were off work next day but when the time came they didn’t and I know who wants to get up and feed a baby that isn’t there responsibility

Yes they’ve given me a roof over my head I pay my share of electricity and pay for my own phone

Also iv has fallout with them because I tell them how I feel
I suffered from depression since I was 15 and had counselling but they don’t believe depression or say it’s all me and I can’t figure out how it’s my fault
It’s got worse now since I had LO x

Amber5099 Wed 22-Nov-17 14:25:34

Both my parents work i was as college and was back 2 weeks after having baby to finish my course

DancesWithOtters Wed 22-Nov-17 14:28:57

I'm afraid if you're not paying rent. and if they both work full time hours but you don't. then I don't think it is fair to expect them to get up in the night with the baby or take him to give you a break.

yellowteapot Wed 22-Nov-17 14:41:16

I had my first at 16 and had no support from family at all . I had to move in with my partner , now husband , we paid all of our bills and for all of our babies things ourselves . Our eldest is now 7 and she’s been looked after by family about 3 times and never overnight . We used to work shifts around each other before I became a sahm. Our youngest has additional needs and it’s hard work and tiring but as parents we just have to deal with it the best we can because at the end of the day we chose to become parents and the responsibilities that come with that are ours alone .
In the nicest possible way , you’re getting a hell of a lot more support than a lot of teenage parents have by being able to live at home with your baby . It does get easier as they get older op flowers

crazycatgal Wed 22-Nov-17 14:45:25

I feel like they are supporting you by giving you a rent free roof over your head. At the end of the day it was not their choice for you to have a child.

WitchesHatRim Wed 22-Nov-17 14:48:55

They are supporting you. They are giving you a roof over your head for free.

They work full time.

It isn't their responsibility in all fairness to help with night feeds etc.

Amber5099 Wed 22-Nov-17 15:10:36

Thank you for all your opinions and advice
My ex partner was abusive toward me So I had cut contact as me nor baby was safe
I had never planned to having kids at all in my life and my protection failed so it was a shock I couldn’t face getting rid of my baby because it wasn’t my life to give away and I want the best life possible for him I love my son I just don’t think I’m properly cut out to be a Mum possibly if I was older was in the right relationship I could cope and I know people younger than me have done a great job with their kids with no support

Kingsclerelass Wed 22-Nov-17 15:14:28

You could try ensuring LO is tired....lots of fresh air etc. Try to get out every day, walk a lot, go to mum & babe groups etc, it will help with mood & might help LO sleep through sooner.
If you've finished college. are you looking for a job? Or another qualification? something to push your earnings potential up? Something to look forward to?
On maternity leave, I used to sleep whenever my DS did. That worked quite well.

Amber5099 Wed 22-Nov-17 15:24:43

Yeah we go out most days and find that helps iv finished college and iv looked at babysitter / nursery prices and don’t know if I can afford to place him into child care I live in an isolated area so i would need to drive or get public transport for anywhere i would work/go

Kingsclerelass Wed 22-Nov-17 15:55:15

well you definitely need a plan so now is the time to work on it while LO is tiny. That's probaby the biggest support your parents are giving you, a sort of safe haven for a while, so you can work it all out and be ready to stand on your own.

But get used to being exhausted. My DS in 9 and I'm still tired. It goes with the territory I'm afraid. :-) I'm sure you'll be fine.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand Wed 22-Nov-17 19:51:55

Some people are full of shit and say things that they don’t mean.
“This was great, let’s do it again.” Followed by no invitation.
“I’m going out for one drink” then coming home drunk
“I never see my grandchild” but never being available to see said grandchild.

Once you accept that they probably said that they’d support you because that’s what good parents say, you’ll feel better.

What is your long-term goal? If it’s to finish your education and get your license then you’ll have to suck up their shit and hang in there until mission complete.

Well done for getting away from an unhealthy relationship and working on your education. ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ Things are tough now but will get better especially once your boy sleeps through. flowersflowersflowers

BlackeyedSusan Wed 22-Nov-17 23:51:17

fuck that, I would support dd if she had a child at 19 ffs. maybe only an hour here or there if Iwas working, but even so.

I suspect they are a bit cross with you for getting yourself "into trouble" so to speak as it was still not the done thing when they were your age. (i am not even going to contemplate them being younger than me)

but well done for having her and raising her. took a lot of courage. Youwill get through it and it will be bloody worth it in the end.

Amber5099 Thu 23-Nov-17 21:07:21

Thank you my long term goal I would say is to get my drivers lisence and find a job working with animals iv had education, enjoy and had experience working with animals and be able to live my own life and make the best possible life for DS
It is hard work but as many have said it is worth it x

Ylvamoon Fri 24-Nov-17 23:02:49

As others have said, support comes in all shapes and sizes. Take what you have - a save place to stay and use your time to figure out what you want and need (like your driving licence) and don't rush into anything.

littleskittle Sun 03-Dec-17 07:15:43

This sounds so hard, especially with the depression that your parents don't acknowledge to deal with. Babies and sleepless nights are tough at best of times, but doing it as a single parent after splitting with an abusive ex must be very hard.

But you do have your parents support if living rent free... I wonder if you come across to them as a bit ungrateful (I'm sure they sense that you think they should do more)? And this might make them less likely to help! As a PP said, I would focus on your DS, and let your parents know regularly how grateful you are for roof over your head, even if you don't always feel that way. I think if they see you are grateful they will be more likely to help you out more. Good luck, and hang in there- it will get easier once you baby sleeps through and when you're less tired making decisions will be easier too!thanks

boboismylove Sun 03-Dec-17 12:55:18

My parents are helping me with rent, but don't do any babysitting ect. I just think you have to remember that parents can offer practical support in different ways depending on their ability.

But it sounds like they could be offering more emotional support, maybe thats what's really upsetting you

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