Baby daddy has suddenly decided he wants contact

[dazedandconfuse]

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and from the get go my ex said he wanted me to have an abortion, hates the baby, would break up with me if I kept the baby (which he did back in September as I said I was keeping her)

He's said awful things, that he wants her dead, that he hates me and wishes he never met me, sent me a long list of people he's slept with since we broke up, has called me up laughing down the phone with his friends whilst I sobbed. He has literally been awful. So I started no contact finally got the courage up to block him on everything (over a month ago) and then he messaged me about a week ago saying he is confused and thinks he'd now like contact.

Why this sudden change in heart? What is happening and how do I react?

[user9217]

God that’s awful. Don’t know what the laws would be as he is the father but personally do t think I could forgive any of that. Would be scared he’d want contact to do something awful. Closely supervised contact only. Did he say all those awful things to your face or do you have written proof of them eg text email? So sorry for you

[Butterymuffin]

I wouldn't respond. That is a weak effort from him. It takes very little to send a text, it takes much more to be a decent father. It's not your responsibility to sort out his confusion, that's his issue.

If he keeps messaging and is more insistent that it's what he wants - and ideally apologises for being such a dick before - then you can think about what to do. I don't think you have to start running around making things happen for him on the basis of one text.

[chocdog]

Keep him blocked and don't reply. Have nothing to do with him. He has proved himself to be an absolute prick.

[TidyLike]

Yep, don't respond. He's abusive and immature. Importantly, don't put him on the birth certificate once the baby is born, because that will automatically give him parental rights. If, later on, he turns out to be genuinely remorseful and a changed character, you can rethink things if you want, but as long as he's not on the birth certificate any contact will be controlled by you. Though if you could afford it, it might be worth taking legal advice ... contact with their father can be good for children, of course, but not if the father is abusive.

[3xcookedchips]

There's no such thing as parental rights - Its Parental Responsibility.

I have no truck with prents who behave like he has, however, if he does become a reformed character getting PR would be a straight forward application to court.

[Starlight2345]

Another block again.

If you are 19weeks..You have another 21 weeks before baby is born.

He has no rights even in law to apply for access till baby is born..

My guess is the timing that you are now moving on and he doesn't like it..However he has messaged block him

[BertieBotts]

It is a control thing. He tried being nasty and threatening and it didn't work so he's now trying to be nice and say what he thinks you want to hear.

I would get the fuck away as fast as you can.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

just be aware that if he wants parental rights he can go to court for them and you would have very little say over whether he gets them or not.

BUT I am not saying that you should put him on the birth certificate.

[PhuntSox]

Keep detailed notes on everything he does and has done.
You may want to talk to the police about harassment.

[Olivetappas]

This is no longer about you and him forget what he has done to you
Give him the chance he does sound young and immature and probably needed time to get to grips with it

Give him the chance and the go from there

As of you and him don't even consider it right now.

[Olivetappas]

I just hope he isn't using the baby to play games with u. You sound like your still in love with him.
I'd keep my distance and update him when necessary
Let him have a relationship with his daughter if he is serious about being a dad
But do make it clear where he stand with u

[reachforthestarseveryday]

Keep notes of every contact he makes. Screenshot abusive texts. But keep him blocked. Don't trust him for a single second. He's shown his true colours. I bet he gets bored and changes his mind about wanting to see the baby if you don't react.

If he doesn't, he can apply for parental responsibility when the baby is here.

Also, YABVU for calling the father of your baby 'baby daddy'. Eurgh.

[Olivetappas]

I agree baby daddy is the worse word
It's degrading

[NorthernLurker]

There's a saying about when somebody tells you who they are, listen.

He's told you who he is. He's abusive, aggressive, controlling, sexually promiscuous and uncaring. Listen to what he's telling you. I don't think for a minute he would have got in touch with you if you hadn't blocked him.

Don't get in touch, don't be thinking your baby deserves a father so you have to contact him, don't be thinking he's changed.

Have your baby and enjoy her. One happy, confident parent is better than one abusive one and one being abused.

And I agree with a previous poster, don't ever put him down on the birth certificate and if you can get the hell away from wherever he is do so.

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

Ignore him. Baby isn’t here for another 4 months. A lot can happen between now and then.

[PotteringAlong]

You're 19 weeks pregnant. You found out, at the earliest, when you were 4 weeks, so this is a 3 month thing, it's not refusing contact with your child for years.

So yes, keep screenshots of anything that's abusive, but don't deny your child a father based on 3 months behaviour of a man who you saw enough good in to get pregnant by.

So he's got 21 weeks until the baby is born. Send him updates, work out maintainance payments and see what happens.

And stop using the phrase "baby daddy".