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How do you divide up Christmas?

(29 Posts)
Nikitasol Sat 18-Nov-17 18:53:48

This will be the first Christmas as a single mum and ex is trying to put plans in place (we're about to start going to a mediator about childcare) to split the day in two.

I've no idea what the norm is. What do you all do? I feel like I don't want to see my ex on Christmas day but would want to be with dc. However I could cope with every other Christmas I guess but he's only 4 and spends most of his time with me which means it would be tough not to be with him (also not particularly bothered about xmas).

Also having half day is difficult with working out what to do. It would just be me and dc unless I drove to folks 1.5 hours away. I don't know what to do?

Bonelessbanquet Sat 18-Nov-17 18:59:40

We do alternate xmas’, so one year she goes to her dads on Xmas eve and is home for 1. The following year she sleeps here Xmas eve and goes to her dads at 1.

Fortunately I work in the nhs so I work the late shift every other year so I’m not sat alone.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 18-Nov-17 19:06:42

We get my DSC every year at 11 then have them for the next few days. DH picks them up but doesn't see ex, the DC just run out.

We'd he happy to alternate but ex hasn't ever wanted them for more than the morning. Seems to work for everyone.

flissfloss65 Sat 18-Nov-17 19:13:44

My ex dh has our ds the weekend before Christmas and they celebrate then. Ds is then with me until new year when he goes to his dad's.

His dad has never asked to have ds for Christmas itself, so works well for me.

Starlight2345 Sat 18-Nov-17 23:15:04

The only year I was with my now ex he went out scoring drugs first chance he got..So I would of resented him having my DS..However he didn't bother to maintain contact so I get my DS to myself.

If your Ex isn't bothered then see if you can work round it in a way that works for you both.

Nikitasol Sat 18-Nov-17 23:30:51

Quite a varied response there!

Ex is bothered but only in a way that benefits him. Think he wants dc for morning so he can go out and get wasted in the afternoon yet have the santa claus bit first. I may be being cynical. But after the year we've had, I wouldn't be surprised.

NameWithChange Sun 19-Nov-17 09:49:25

I was advised in Court that judges don't like children to travel on Christmas Day which I think is bollocks if both parents are close to each other and in my opinion nice for kids to see both sides.

Try and negotiate something that works for you and kids. My Ex is a nightmare every time and even though Court said to agree dates 2 months before hols he never ever does.

I would love Xmas eve through to 4pm ish then off to dad's until at least end of Boxing Day and vice versa the following year. That way everyone gets presents and to see each other on the day and can have a big lunch on Boxing Day with family if not your turn for Xmas day lunch.

wendz86 Sun 19-Nov-17 10:36:40

I don’t like the idea of not seeing them at all Christmas Day . This year they are with me Christmas Eve and open presents Christmas morning then their dad is taking them to his till Boxing Day . I know some people do Christmas Eve to Boxing Day every other year .

Nikitasol Sun 19-Nov-17 11:23:10

Wondering how to avoid being sat on my own at some point on Christmas day though dreading a handover with EA ex.

NameWithChange Sun 19-Nov-17 14:26:17

Make every possible plan you can to fill your time with friends/activities and try to get someone else to do handover if possible.

One Christmas Day when I wasn't going to have kids I arranged to help at a refugee charity, I had it in my mind to just convince myself the 25th wasn't happening until the 26th and just celebrate everything then with the kids and my family.

As it happened EH didn't like the fact I had other happy plans and scuppered them all by refusing to see kids on Christmas Day anyway!

It is a nightmare, keep yourself as busy as poss. The first year of crap arrangements is hard.

QuopQuop Sun 19-Nov-17 14:35:23

We spilt up for one Christmas and we agreed on

Me- eve and xmas morning morning
Him - pick up at 1pm xmas day
Me - pick up 1pm Boxing Day

I am the main carer even though we had 50/50, im the one that does all the school stuff and problems/ appointments.

I wanted xmas eve and morning and after noon on Boxing Day as that's the most important times for me.

MissRabbitNeedsaSpaDay Sun 19-Nov-17 14:39:59

I have them on Christmas Eve and til lunchtime on Christmas Day when they go to their dads and spend the week with him.

I make much more of advent these days! We go to lights switch ons, Christmas markets, fayres etc. I do a 1st December box for them with Christmas pjs, bedding, advent calendar & cosy slippers. By the time Christmas actually arrives I’m more than happy to hand them over and chill out with the animals / Xmas tv instead smile

Nikitasol Sun 19-Nov-17 17:06:27

Thinking about having an open house on Christmas day so whoever is free can come over so I'm not sat on my tod waiting for the idiot I had a child with to come and ruin the whole day.

robinR Sun 19-Nov-17 17:13:46

It really depends how close you live and how far you have to travel in order not to be sat on your own.

If your ex had your son Christmas morning this year then you would get Christmas morning next year.

We do one whole Christmas on and one off but we live a long way apart and splitting the day isn’t possible. You get used to doing something alternative on the “off” Christmas. It’s not too bad, plus kids don’t really care when they open their presents.

If you have family 1.5 hours away I would suggest doing a few days before Christmas plus Christmas Eve one place then Christmas Day to a couple of days after Boxing Day at the other. Just bear in mind whatever you get with your son this year, you’ll have to hand over to your ex next year to be fair.

Crazycatladyx5 Sun 19-Nov-17 20:59:57

This is our 2nd Christmas apart. I had daughter last Christmas. He was meant to visit in a.m but didn't cos his gf was ill. Daughter was meant to go to his Boxing day but was later in week cos of ill gf. This year I asked daughter (shes 9) if she wanted to go to dads but she wants to stay in this house & have all her routines & customs she's always done with me. She's going to dads on Boxing day for a few days. I'll be spending Boxing day with my bf & his son will feel a bit strange being with another child without mine.. but actually that happens every other weekend when she's at her dad's . Second year running her dad doesn't want her for New Year... funny that!
I have 3 grown up children & when I split with their dad he never wanted them for Christmas, in fact he hardly saw them . On the one time they went to his on Boxing day I felt I didn't want company so took the dog to the beach.
One year I might have to face Christmas without her...dreading it. But I have 10 grandchildren so I'll probably be with them.
Hope your Christmas works out ok for you OP.

lanbro Sun 19-Nov-17 21:06:01

I've just split with h, we only live a few miles apart. He wants me to stay over Xmas eve to be there for dc waking up. I'm more inclined to go over first thing in the morning. We have dc 50/50, Christmas falls on his days. Haven't helped you at all..!!

robinR Sun 19-Nov-17 21:20:58

Lanbro Christmas should be divvied up separate to normal contact days ime

You're braver than me if you go and stay over - now at would I be doing that

Nikitasol Sun 19-Nov-17 23:05:26

God it's all so complicated. I just really don't want to see ex and think better for dc to be in one place for the day even if it means me not seeing him.

I've got mediation on Fri which means we could discuss it then but he's so EA that I'm horribly stressed about that and getting to say anything.

HamSandWitches Sun 19-Nov-17 23:12:04

We used to do a fake family xmas, I used to invite him, was ott/put on/fake. Then he would revert to type, I would make the dinner with no help whilst he got bored after a few hours, I would put dinner out then get more and more annoyed at his lack of help, by 6ish we would start arguing. The kids asked me not to invite him 3yr ago now we just half the day, I have them morning and for dinner then he has them for tea.

HamSandWitches Sun 19-Nov-17 23:13:34

Sorry press post too soon

Works out great, I can have a break after dinner and a bit tidy up, watch a bit TV and everyone's in a good mood as they have double xmas really as they do it all again at his dms

Sparklemummyx0x0x Tue 21-Nov-17 14:15:57

For me, ex and our DS, it’s always been the same. I have him Christmas Eve, Christmas day morning/lunch then goes to his dads until Boxing Day morning when I pick him up for a few hrs then goes back there. Works for us. We only live half hour away so it’s fine.

Cakedoesntjudge Tue 21-Nov-17 14:27:34

When we first split, one of us had Christmas Eve through until late morning and then the other one picked up DS and had them for lunch and until Boxing Day (alternated each year). We lived literally a few streets away from each other and I thought that worked well because DS got to see us both/both sets of family on the actual day and one of us got the morning and presents and the other one got dinner which (for me) are the two big parts.

However ex wasn’t happy with that and took me to court over it. Now we alternate 6pm Christmas Eve to 6pm Christmas Day which I hate. Especially since the years I get him back Christmas Day at 6pm, he comes back overtired and overexcited so it isn’t really practical to go and see my family then and I have to work on Boxing Day. My parents are divorced too so I have two sets of family to fit in.

It’s a bit pants and I definitely preferred the old way we did it. However I still make it work. The years I don’t have him Christmas Day, one set of my family does Christmas with DS on Christmas Eve, and then I stay at the other’s house Christmas Day night, they look after DS while I’m at work and then we celebrate on Boxing Day when I’m home instead.

It all depends on what works in your particular situation. It’s weird at first but you just have to bear in mind that it’s just a day and see it as any other day in the year that your ex would have contact. And it is nice for the child(ren) involved to not have to rush about on Christmas Day.

Wellyboots86 Tue 21-Nov-17 19:57:27

This will be first Xmas since stbxw and I split. Kids are with me the bulk of the time. She wants to sleep over here Xmas eve in order to do the whole wake up and presents bit then go home on her own after that (I’m guessing to be with om).

Gut reaction is to say no but I know I’d be really upset if she said no to me doing same next year...

BootsCats Tue 21-Nov-17 20:25:11

I have a dsd and when dh split up with a his ex they used to do 1 have Xmas eve - Xmas day lunchtime the she goes to the others until day after Boxing Day. Though when she was 9 she said she didn’t like it that way as she opened one lot of presents then had to leave them to go to the other ones house so now they alternate every year. So one has Xmas eve - Xmas night around 9ish then she goes to the others for Boxing Day and the day after, she’s 11 now and it works better for everyone and Dsd is much happier with it. When she’s with us on Boxing Day we just wait and have our Xmas day then and treat Xmas night like Xmas eve. She loves it as she gets 2 Xmas days!

Nikitasol Fri 24-Nov-17 22:25:04

Thanks all. That's useful to know.

We went to mediation today so we're splitting it this year. He's getting eve and Christmas morning but I don't mind really as I just wanted clarity more than anything.

However I'm going to push for alternate Christmasses from next year so ds has time to spend properly and so the other parent doesn't have to just knock about waiting really. Plus won't have to see ex then either.

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