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Lonely and insecure. Advice needed

(6 Posts)
TMarques88 Tue 14-Nov-17 22:44:47

I am 26+6wks pregnant. I never had a proper relationship with my bd, we had some fun nights together and i got accidentally pregnant . We tried to be together for the child, we had an abortion scare and he was there for me. Not long after he left me, saying that this was not what he wanted. He is a player and im pretty sure he had a girl on the side. I was devastated, nearly on te verge of depression. I blocked contact with him, but had to see him, since we work together. After months he started texting me again, trying to get back together. I didn’t say yes straight away, all my family and friends warned me not to go all in, because he might do the same. He promised me a family, and that we could do this together, asked to move in with him, and he was all happy when we found out that we were having a boy. I couldnt trust him 100%, and had suspicions of him being with someone else at the same time. A couple of weeks ago, he left again, saying we don’t work well together and that we couldn’t make it work, saying both of us are to blame. A week later I saw him back with his ex. I dont want to sound selfish or resentful, but i feel that a ‘man’ like this doesnt deserve to be present in my childs life. He will have nothing to do with my son. I never met his family btw. I live in the UK, and i can register my son without a father. Im sure i can do this with my family who is there for me no questions asked! What do you all think?
Thank you x

MissConductUS Wed 15-Nov-17 00:51:43

I think the child will deserve his financial support.

HydrangeaRanger Wed 15-Nov-17 07:52:04

Hi, I'm in a similar situation but the father has decided he doesn't want to be involved. As far as I can tell - parental responsibility and naming on the birth certificate is completely seperate to financial support (which is what I'm going to claim). No birth certificate for him - my family live in New Zealand and I don't want any barriers to taking the little one home when I want.

HydrangeaRanger Wed 15-Nov-17 07:52:31

Forgot to say - you've got this 🤗

TMarques88 Wed 15-Nov-17 09:56:55

Until this stage of the pregnancy i got nothing from him, not even a pair of socks for the baby. I dont think i can count on financial support. And in the UK, to demand money from him, the baby will need his name in the birth certificate. I honestly prefer to pretend that he is not even alive, because if he can hurt me this way without remorse, abandon me twice during pregnancy, my son will be a puppet in his hands. Thank you for the advise x

MissConductUS Wed 15-Nov-17 13:27:42

If you are wealthy or have a very high income I think that's a reasonable choice. I have two, both teenagers. We don't spend on them extravagantly but it is still enormously expensive. Team sports, trip fees, clothing and school kit, maths tutoring, music lessons, mobile phone bills, etc. The list is almost endless. One is about to start uni and the cost of higher ed is looming for us.

According to this, the average cost of raising a child in the UK is 230,000 pounds:

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11360819/Average-cost-of-raising-a-child-in-UK-230000.html

The courts can make him pay by garnishing his pay. It's easy to say now "Well get on fine, how expensive could it be?". It's hugely expensive and I fear you do the child a great disservice to cut him or her off from the chance at having the resources they'll need.

There's also the question of personal responsibility. How many other abandoned children will he have if he's never held to account?

I am fully sympathetic with your situation, OP, but you have to do what's in the best interests of the child.

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