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being threatened with court if I dont go to mediation

(8 Posts)
HowamIgoingtocope Tue 14-Nov-17 10:57:11

Basically my ex wants his own way . He wants me to go and collect the children from his time with them because he sees it as unfair he has to do all the travelling.
He does what he likes , goes on holiday dumping the kids on me , cancels his time with them because he has arrangements and basically tells me because I get the benefits and the finances it is my responsibility to sort the kids.

Im being forced to go to mediation , the first fell through because he wouldn't fund my half of the fees . He then "invited" me to sort it out again threatening to take the kids off me and go to court.

Ive gone through 4 years of emotional abuse and im at the end of my tether,
Any advise would be appreciated.

Mynametodaywillbe Tue 14-Nov-17 11:08:35

Sorry you are going through this.

If you refuse mediation unfortunately he will be able to take you to court. Mediation is encouraged prior to court but isn't compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable you can be in separate rooms in some circumstances.

How far away does he live from you? Are you able to share travelling? What is really fair?

The court only cares about what's best for the children and not what is best for you or your ex.

Having a court order may give you more clarity and something he has to commit to.

He can't take the children away from you if they are currently living with you. The court wouldn't rule for that unless there was a serious safeguarding issue he could prove. Don't listen to such threats.

Starlight2345 Tue 14-Nov-17 11:43:35

How far do you live from ex ? Who moved away?

Justbookedasummmerholiday Tue 14-Nov-17 11:55:44

If he is abusive you aren't expected to attend mediation.
Keep a diary of his arrangements for the dc, the times he is a no show etc. Print off abusive emails, texts etc. Does he pay cms? Speak to a solicitor but I doubt he would finance court if he won't even pay for fuel .

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 14-Nov-17 13:37:11

I have 4 years worth a total of about 400 emails .
He only lives 8 miles away , if he doesn't bring them home the dc end up confused and take it out on me. If that makes sense.

He moved , the main issue for me is I work 15 miles from his house down a major road and it can take me an hour and a half in rush hour to get to his. I work late on his afternoons with the kids which he dictated he wanted . So I can get my hours back upto what I need to do .

This apparently isn't an issue with him as he sees it as unfair. he has done this journey ( which is only twice a month) for 6 years , the children are happy with the arrangements , he has even stated to the kids that he doesn't know why I wont get them . Inspite of me explaining I have to work to make sure I can do my contracted hours.

I doubt myself sometimes, but this is what he has instilled in me over the years, demeaning me and basically saying im a crap mum

The last cancellation I am now out of pocket . I was supposed to go to London so have had to cancel my arrangements including a theatre visit. his excuse 3 weeks is adequate notice and his plans wont change.,

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 14-Nov-17 13:37:57

hes passive aggressive , so will look wonderful in mediation but knows what to say to upset ,me

HowamIgoingtocope Tue 14-Nov-17 13:38:19

sorry he moved

Starlight2345 Wed 15-Nov-17 14:11:07

I don't have the answers but ..If he really can't be bother to collect and drop off his child 8 miles twice a month then he really isn't that bothered is he.

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