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Am I right? Need to Vent

(8 Posts)
TMUKPT Mon 13-Nov-17 15:30:43

I am 26+6wks pregnant. I never had a proper relationship with my bd, we had some fun nights together and i got accidentally pregnant . We tried to be together for the child, we had an abortion scare and he was there for me. Not long after he left me, saying that this was not what he wanted. He is a player and im pretty sure he had a girl on the side. I was devastated, nearly on te verge of depression. I blocked contact with him, but had to see him, since we work together. After months he started texting me again, trying to get back together. I didn’t say yes straight away, all my family and friends warned me not to go all in, because he might do the same. He promised me a family, and that we could do this together, asked to move in with him, and he was all happy when we found out that we were having a boy. I couldnt trust him 100%, and had suspicions of him being with someone else at the same time. A couple of weeks ago, he left again, saying we don’t work well together and that we couldn’t make it work, saying both of us are to blame. A week later I saw him back with his ex. I dont want to sound selfish or resentful, but i feel that a ‘man’ like this doesnt deserve to be present in my childs life. He will have nothing to do with my son. I never met his family btw. I live in the UK, and i can register my son without a father. Im sure i can do this with my family who is there for me no questions asked! What do you all think?
Thank you x

Dancingfairy Wed 15-Nov-17 12:55:16

My ex isn't on the bc so you can leave him off yes (he isn't on there through his own choice) he can take you to court for access so bare that in mind.

Starlight2345 Wed 15-Nov-17 14:06:29

Your relationship with you and with your DS are not the same.

He really does not sound good bf material.

If he isn't part of your sons life then no don't put him on BC but he can be a great dad and rubbish BF

TMarques88 Wed 15-Nov-17 15:36:42

Thank you for your opinions.
I dont want him on BC, because he is taking no interest in this pregnancy. Doesnt care about scans, doesn't bother to ask how everything is going, although im having a rough time, with scans every month because of growth. And if he is not asking, im not telling. I have him blocked completetly, on social networks and on my phone, but he knows where i live. So its his option not to be present. If it comes to him taking me to court, i think if I say that he showed no interest during pregnancy and that he has alcohol problems, theres no way he can have acess to this child. I would allow his parents to see him, if they want to. Again, no interest so far too.

UnbornMortificado Wed 15-Nov-17 15:43:45

My sister is going through similar, the knobhead is threatening her with court and social services. She's had to go on antidepressants but with all his bullshit she ended up terrified of social involvement and put it off. She's a lot better now.

Il tell you the same as her, do not put him on the BC. Very few courts will allow a ba

UnbornMortificado Wed 15-Nov-17 15:48:06

FFS sorry.

Very few courts will give a father overnight access to a young baby.

He might surprise you and be a decent dad, me and DD1's dad can't stand each other but he's still about for DD and we've been split 10 years.

Then again he might not, no need to put him on the BC when he could use it against you. We can't get parental responsibility for DH for DD2 (separate dad) without court because her dad who has no contact (DH has raised her for three years) won't allow it. As he's on the BC he unfortunately has a choice in the matter.

PatriciaHolm Wed 15-Nov-17 15:49:50

If he wants on the BC at a later date, it’s a pretty simple process for him and no, any alcohol issues won’t be relevant.

Realistically, if he wants access, court will grant it, based on what you’ve said so far. His relationship with you is irrelevant to the fact he is the child’s father, as far as the courts will be concerned. However, he may not make the effort to bother of course.

UnbornMortificado Wed 15-Nov-17 15:55:06

Alcohol issues could be relevant when it comes to been given contact although supervised is an option.

I get threatened with court every other week, despite contact being stopped (on children's services advice) for very good reasons.

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