Son raised by mother(5 Posts)
Hi, does anyone have recommendations regarding raising son as single mother. I am after practical and psychological advice, I.e. Different stages in development and how to answer questions. Ex doesn't want to see the child at all and I am not sure how to explain this to my child in least traumatic way.
Firstly I'm a single mum of one ds but his dad does see him most weeks. So not an expert .
I'd wait until your ds asks before you explain anything. Then be honest but a bit rosy. Something like daddy is nice,has blue eyes and likes climbing mountains. The question about where is he? will come so be ready. Just don't be bitter, I don't think it helps. Keep a photo tucked away so he can see him if he asks to.
My Ds was fine until about 7 and then it was clear he needed a male role model so we do karate with a male Sensei, and swimming lessons with a man teacher. He also had a male class teacher one year which helped.
I do boy stuff with him - karate, cycling, building dens in the woods. I'd have to anyway- his dad is hopeless, won't set foot outside if it's raining. Or if it's sunny for that matter.
Then just play it by ear. I'd rather my Ds had grown up with his dad but on the other hand he doesn't see daddy getting drunk or swearing or leaving his pants on the floor and get to think that's ok. So it can be an advantage as well. Plus about a third of kids grow up in single parent families so he won't be odd man out at school. Kids adapt as long as they feel safe and cherished. It doesn't really matter who by.
Much more important is that you get a break. You need a couple of hours a week to be you, not you+1 I know it makes me a much nicer mum. Good luck.
How old is Ds ? Has dad just stopped seeing him ?
My Ds hasn’t seen his dad since he was 3 he is now 10.
You will find children are different . My Ds is a questions boy so have had to answer a not . A neighbour similar situation but Ds now grown barely asked .
The thing to be also aware what he is saying now may change mind and your Ds needs to grow up not angry .
For my Ds it is a case of I don’t know why , I would walk over hot coals to see you . Lots of it’s not your fault , nothing you did made this happen . He now knows if his dad wants to see him he would have to go to court if he wanted to see him to make sure it would be right for him .
Other things I would say although he has the obvious mummying , I sometimes let him climb things , do things that the dads tend to let them do more .
What part are you worried about ?
Apologies being away from this thread for so long, Ds is very young ( 4 months old ) and with dad I hoped he will change his mind after he see him after birth and maybe get involved but it's still not happening. I have accepted that I will do it alone and though worry a lot I will manage. But I want to protect my Ds from feeling abandoned.
I think in reality at some point they do think what did I do..One of the most helpful things a teacher said to my DS was you were a baby. It was nothing you did you were just a baby.
I would say all children have there challenges..One of my DS's friends who is bright. popular gets really upset he is short.
We have to love them for who they are and learn to live with the world as it is.
I don't think they really become bothered till at least they start school.Enjoy him all to yourself..There may be tough times but you really will manage.
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