Needing a rant(7 Posts)
This past week has to have been the worst ever. I'm a single mother of a 3 month old baby with no help from her father who chose to take nothing to do with her. I live with my parents who barely help and would rather do their own thing than take anything to do with their grandchild. They're more than happy to have bare minimum contact with her and rather let her cry than try and content her. My relationship with them is getting worse because of the lack of effort. An example I had today was my dad watching tv and my baby crying. I'm busy getting a bottle and all I hear him do is coo over her when this is clearly not what she wants. Needless to say I went in my room to get her to sleep and cried because of how stressful and how the lack of support is getting me down. I cant move out the now because I will be returning to work and childcare is a fortune so I will have little money if I did.
The only issue I have with her dad is that he doesn't pay child maintenance and the whole process to change to collect and pay is way to long. I don't get him at all. He doesn't take part in her life because apparently I'm too much to handle when I only get at him for not taking an interest in his daughter. It was always me making the effort to get him to see her and when I put a stop to it he came back at me with not wanting anything to do with her.
I'm starting to feel lonely and isolated and possibly depressed. Due to what I'm feeling I am starting to resent my daughter which I'm distraught over but that's how I am starting to feel. I cant take her crying as it goes through my head and is so hard to ignore, this makes me think of putting her up for adoption but I know I wouldn't because she melts my heart and I couldn't bear being parted with her. None the less she is very hard work which makes me feel I need to be super woman at cleaning and looking after a baby. I'm possibly feeling like this because I stayed in all day which I hate doing because it make the day drag on.
You need to get put of the house every day!! Find some baby groups, swimming tots, the library have sing alongs, feed the ducks, smile at someone and a smile back does wonders when you feel isolated.
Hard as it is its your baby and you need to find ways to cope alone unfortunately. Tell your HV you are struggling - it's no shame - and she can point you to where things are happening in your area.
You are doing great!
You need to take one day at a time, and take control of you and your dd, don’t rely on anyone and then you won’t be let down and you won’t feel the resentment either, feel proud that you are doing it all for your baby, and all your baby needs is you to take care of her, I’m also a single mum and my ds is 6 weeks old, I’m on my own with no support and have other dc, I have to take one day at a time and not think too far ahead or the worry sets in. If you think your feeling low then speak to your hv or gp don’t leave it as it will get worse,
Hmm personally I don't think you should expect help from your parents yeh it's nice if they help but they don't have to, you chose to hve a baby not them so although help would be nice i would stop expecting it. Look at it this way them letting you live in there house is helping you out. I have 4 and have no help at all I just think it's one of those things.
Just remember and tell yourself each day ‘I can do this’. My ex left before our 2nd was born and left me with the mortgage, bills etc to worry about on top of giving birth alone, so I’ve been there and can give advice from experience. I too had days where I thought I was failing and saw no end to it all and felt very over whelmed. It does get easier, just hang in there. Like others have said make sure you have some reason to go out at least once a day. That will help your mood and give you a purpose for the day. Resenting your baby is only natural given the circumstances. I felt that when I was pregnant as I thought we’d chosen together to have another baby so when I was left to it, I had no choice.
Speak to you’d health visitor and tell them how you feel. No doubt they are keeping a closer eye on you for pnd given the circumstances. I was very aware that I might develop it and am amazed I never did with all the stress my ex put me through in the first year!
There will come a time that you will be so proud of yourself and what you have achieved with your daughter and your bond will be so strong. My boys are so close to me and I’m super proud at how they are growing up which is all down to me.
Like someone else said stop expecting from your parents. When you do that you’ll become happier as you won’t feel let down. Don’t take it personally either. People forget how to be around babies. My mum is amazing but sometimes says or does the most ridiculous thing that makes me realise she has forgotten what it was like to have a baby/toddler. Don’t fall out with your parents, you’ll need them.
Be kind to yourself x
I’m wondering if you’re parents have decided that it’s important that you have this time to bond with your child and get in your own routine. I guess living there is a temporary thing until you can move out. Living in your own place can be a huge step, doing this with a child that you’ve had loads of hands on help would maybe seem too much. Hard as it is I think they’re giving tough love, and also there’s the worry of you thinking that they don’t believe in your parenting skills and are taking over - you often see threads with that issue on.
Deep breath. The early days are hard. As others have said, try and fit in a walk or a group each day. Speak to your HV for groups , if you’re on a local page on Facebook - even a selling one - ask about baby groups and meet ups. Itvreally will help
I do think once you stop expecting help you will find yourself in a better place.
Also if you lived on your own and your baby was crying while you was making a bottle what would you do? I'm assuming you would continue to make the bottle? Don't worry about the baby having a cry you are busy making fpod for your child it's perfectly fine they learn to wait alittle.
Get CMS to sort CM give them details but don't want or spend the amount in your head. If he works they can do an attachment to earnings. It takes time but they sort it so no need for you to stress over it.
Nap when your child naps you seem tired aswell, it may be because your stressed but rest up. Try to find some mother and baby groups it will help you aswell
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