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Exactly how did people go No Contact?

(1 Post)
keeponworking Tue 07-Nov-17 11:59:26

Hi all. Posting on here but not sure if it should be on Teens or something instead. Please let me know if this is the wrong place and I'll ask for it to be moved.

I think DD (15) is at a crossroads where she either continues to be bombarded with the multiple hurts, put-downs, nasty comments and singled out unfair treatment (etc etc etc etc) from her 'D'Dad sperm donor. It's going to be for her to choose what type and level of contact she has going forward as what she has now isn't really protecting her, and for her to receive help around the consequences of the different choices she could potentially make*.

I should explain that she already rarely goes for face to face contact with him any more and even when she requests contact, she is 99% of the time refused (request to see him in the holidays refused 'because they were wallpapering'). It's also highly likely that if she decided to go NC with her dad that it will result in a further reduction in her contact with the other members of her family (her cousin lives over 2 hrs away by car and her grandparents and 'D'D nearly 2 hours away). But, we're at the point where she barely sees her GPs, cousin or even her half sister already - this has reduced by about 95%. However, it must be heartening to receive the never-ending pics and videos of her half sister that her dad and his new wife constantly and without any thought send through to my DDs phone constantly [heavy, heavy sarcasm here]).

And this made me think, in this modern world of smart phones, SMS, email, social media etc, how would a teen of today go about going NC with a useless dad? Do you block them on your phone in terms of texts (any blocker I've ever used, you still get the messages corralled somewhere on your phone and unless you have an iron will, you'll end up going in and reading them which totally defeats the purpose). Do you just change your phone number and not tell the non resident parent (he can of course ask me why she never responds any more and I can then inform that she's decided to go NC). And that might also help with the nasty Snapchat shit that my daughter's going through at the moment (mightn't it, if she changed her number and set up new private FB, Snapchat, Whatsapps to that new number?) and then she could just add back in only the girls who aren't bitches (sadly, just talking to a teacher at school who says their current Year 11 are some of the most horrible girls they've had in a Yr 11 for several years - she's not wrong).

In technical terms I guess, how does she go about going NC if she decides this is the most damage-reducing way for her to handle matters??

* = I am thinking that I might ask her to go to a counsellor to talk through this decision independently first so there's a removal of any influence from me and help with her thinking. I can see both sides but I can't ever be totally impartial, although at the end of the day, the only thing I want is for her to be happy and not constantly hurt to the bone by people who are supposed to love and care for her.

Be grateful to hear how others have practically gone about this with the tech and social media sides of things and if anyone has slightly distance-remote wider family, how you managed (or didn't manage to manage) retaining contact with them - any advice at all really.

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