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I don't think my daughter is coping aswell as she let's on.

(6 Posts)
Louw12345 Mon 06-Nov-17 23:41:01

My friend has my daughter on Snapchat and she told me the other week that my daughter has been posting old family pictures me her dad and sisters saying I miss these days and good old days.

She has done something similar but after me and her dad split up (a year and he had a new partner. I was also seeing someone but she didn't know at that time).

Anyway they met the new gf and she added them on instagram afew weeks later it was my birthday and my daughter put a slide show of pictures up some of just me and her dad.
She has had issues with his gf I'm guessing coz she tries to tell her off (12 years old) and They have announced they are having a baby aswell. She makes comments like I don't want anymore siblings but used to ask me to have another.

She struggles with her dad and can be hot headed and say things like my dad can do one etc. He's not the best dad but he's doing more now than he ever has.

Then my friends tell me what she has been posting on Snapchat.

We was cleaning her room the other day and i found a photo of us all from her confirmation day it was ripped up and dads face no were to be seen. I asked her what happened to this beautiful picture and she looked at me said and said I don't know.

I said how can you not know. Is there anything you would like to talk about.
She told me no and said she will fix it back together but she binned it.

Any advice?

Gorgeous73 Mon 06-Nov-17 23:56:45

I think your daughter is still grieving the loss of the family she knew she had, and that this is a normal thing. One year isn't a long time plus I suspect her hormones are starting to act up which doesn't always help with processing some emotions.
I would not ask any more questions, just keep being real and honest with her, be there for her without pushing her to open up and wait until she comes to you and want to talk about how she feels. IMO the best thing would be to indirectly encourage her towards her hobbies/passions, and if you're very worried just keep a (discreet) eye on her in case she shows signs of depression etc. But from what you've shared in your post it sounds like she's trying to cope with the loss she's feeling.

Louw12345 Tue 07-Nov-17 00:39:50

It's been well over 2 years now. I think what may have set her off again is the announcement of the new baby.

I know but she never opens up with me. We had afew bad months abit ago and got through so much. She's been brilliant at school at home with her sisters happy etc.

We are trying to get her in a routine so she's more settled for next year (yr 10). She does want to start the gym she older sister does to. So might look into that.

I just wish I could help her, I understand that it's been a harder road for her coming to terms with it.

Gorgeous73 Tue 07-Nov-17 10:45:45

I completely understand what you mean. My daughter went through a rough patch last year, and it broke my heart seeing her struggle and trying to deal with it on her own. She never wanted to talk about it either. There was a point where I felt useless and powerless, and thought all my "i'm here for you if you need me" were getting nowhere. I cried at night thinking how lonely and in pain she was and I didn't know what to do. She seemed to get upset when I asked questions and even withdraw so I just waited for the right time for her and I kept reminding her that I'm here if she needs me in any way. It might sound like I had it all figured out but tbh I was a mess worrying about her. And then one day she said mum can we talk and just told me everything she was feeling/thinking. Again, it's not like it was a miracle and everything just went away, but it was a first step and thing did get better after that.
I think knowing that you're there if she needs you makes a great difference. She might never want to talk about it but if she knows that she can if she needs to, she'll feel stronger for it. Children are more resilient than we think and as long as they know they're loved and safe, they'll cope with pretty much anything and find their way. At least that's what I think .
I hope this helps flowers

SoupDragon Tue 07-Nov-17 10:54:07

I think you just need to keep reassuring her that you will always be there if she wants to talk about anything but that you won't force her to. Could her older sister do the same?

I think it's tough when children see a parent having another child to "replace" them and who will be with that parent all the time. "Replacement" from a child's point of view, obviously. perhaps her father needs to do some reassuring too but without making it obvious.

Louw12345 Tue 07-Nov-17 23:39:20

Gorgeous73 your right I will continue letting her know I'm here for when's ready. My girls are I have such an open relationship and can talk about most things I feel like when it comes to feelING especially with their dad they don't want to say too much.
My eldest did say this to a teacher and it broke my heart that she didn't want to upset me. I said to her that she has a right to miss her dad and nothing that is going on would upset me more than knowing you ws going through that alone. Hopefully my 2nd will get there just like my 1st did.

SoupDragon the older two have only just become close I think they talk just ensure if it's about anything that troubles them. My 2nd worries about my 1st as she suffers bad from panic attacks so she always make sure she's ok. But my 1st isn't that way inclined to my 2nd however she shows the younger effection.

Yes very much so especially how things went from the brake up. He stopped seeing them it hit her harder as she was always daddies girl. She he showed up with a gf and now a child. She's really hurt and didn't see him for over a year. I said to make time for her with his gf but he wouldn't.
She's at a vulnerable age being 13, we have a close family and she has great friends hopefully in time she will come to terms with everything

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