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Ex caused a scene :-(

(11 Posts)
ItsNeverEndingIsIt Fri 03-Nov-17 21:51:23

Tonight at child’s school function - ex was there, his new partner and her 5 children and myself.
Ex started shouting at me and generally causing a scene; I calmly said I’m not doing this here and ignored him; turned my back. When he shouted at DC ; DC started crying and came to me for a cuddle; DC is 5; he has since sent me a sarcastic text portraying I was the parent in the wrong - saying I need to put DC first and stop trying to gain a reaction from him.
I am literally at my wits end with this man. He is currently going for full residency.
The message he has sent completely blames me - obviously trying to cover himself for our next court hearing - I’m sick of his manipulative behaviour against me - does anyone have any helpful ideas / ways forward for me.
It’s been a long 5 years and I still feel controlled by him :-(

coffeecup16 Fri 03-Nov-17 22:03:05

Do you have any witnesses re tonight.

Kerp very detailed contemporaneous notes of everything that happens

Louw12345 Fri 03-Nov-17 22:10:59

If this was at school I'm sure teachers will back you up regarding this incident. Try not to worry too much about him going for full residency. And make sure you keep all messages.
Does your child have access with dad? Of so how much?

TheFaerieQueene Fri 03-Nov-17 22:11:32

Just because he sends a text to you doesn’t mean the court will believe it. They have seen his sort 100’s of times before. Keep your own records of the facts. No emotion, just detail.

pingu73 Fri 03-Nov-17 22:14:35

The FQ is right
I’m 7 years down the track and court don’t give a dam about the silly stuff. If your son is settled with you and I a routine then they won’t change that believe me xx
Always email...evidence for later and allows you to control your frustration

ItsNeverEndingIsIt Sat 04-Nov-17 10:23:11

Yes I have 2 parents that saw the incident - other than that it was only his new partner and she would side with him I assume.

He has DC 8 nights a month on total.

I replied to the message with quite a blunt and clinical outline of what actually happened - he continued to respond with things like “GROW UP” “PUT OUR CHILD FIRST” “YOU JUST WANTED ONE UP ON ME” etc

I’m 5 years into this and am so sick of it.
It’s everyting and anything!

Starlight2345 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:17:51

Can I say do think very carefully what you text to him..

He may be trying to prevoke you simply to use in court.

Healthywealthyandwise Sat 04-Nov-17 12:31:26

Sorry you are going through this.

He's wasting his time trying to go for residency but I guess that isn't what he's really after.

Your situation isn't dissimilar to mine. I've been out of the relationship for a long time but still being controlled. It's not about residency as that actually wouldn't suit him at all but he's dragging me back to court. All you can do is try and trust the courts will see through him.

It's draining, stressful and relentless, isn't it?

DaisysStew Sat 04-Nov-17 12:43:09

My ex does this constantly, kicks off and then sends messages after like it was me shouting and making threats. I had enough last week and emailed him to say that any messages other than those directly about existing contact arrangements with DC would be ignored. And I've started recording any hand overs on my phone - not holding it up to his face, just recording while it's in my hand. The best thing you can do is completely ignore him unless it's 100% necessary to answer. It's hard to ignore the abuse but it'll be better for you in the long run.

bastardkitty Sat 04-Nov-17 12:55:29

I've been through this. A text trying to establish a false truth is best ignored and as you have been advised, keep detailed contemporaneous notes. I sympathise. You cannot do anything constructive with people like this.

ItsNeverEndingIsIt Sat 04-Nov-17 16:44:17

I did use to record him on my phone - then I told the court I didn’t want any text or phone calls as he lied and faked them - so we’ve resorted to email communications only.

He definitely is trying to provoke me into saying or doing something for the purpose of him “winning” in court ....

It’s about controlling me and trying to have contact with me - nothing to do with DC.

I think I’m going to get my solicitor to email him stating that anything he wants to know can go through the solicitor during working hours - anything that’s an emergency can be emailed to myself as long as it’s in regards to DC - anything else will be ignored. Think I’ve got no option now.

Hopefully court, Cafcass and the school will finally see through him - they haven’t so far :-(

Thanks everyone - feels better knowing I’m not alone x

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