I'm feeling so lost right now and hoping to get some advice.
I currently have a DD who is 3 years old and 6 months pregnant with my 2nd. Everything was great until a month ago when my husband came back from a guys holiday and began acting distant and strange. Long story short it came to light last night that he met someone while he was away and now says he wants to leave us. I am completely distraught. My 3 year old adores him and I don't know how to help get her through this at time where she's already going to experience such a huge change with the baby.
He seems to be so cold about the full thing and not at all bothered by what he is giving up and tonight has supposedly went out with his friends leaving me in tears. I feel like such a fool because he has done something like this before a few years ago and I took him back like an idiot.
I'm entering panic mode wondering how I am going to cope with my 2 girls on my own. I don't have a great family or friend support network due to taking him back last time and now I just feel so alone and actually humiliated by the full thing but I want to be strong for them and make sure I give them the best life I possibly can.
Any advice or guidance on how to get through this would be great.
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Virgo88 · 27/10/2017 23:12
I would agree with the pp who said think about your children and yourself . It is time to get very selfish . Get everything you can financially from him. You won’t feel like it now but in time it will make life easier . Your kids will adapt they are far more adaptable than us . Accept any offers of help . Take things one hour at a time if you need to . Small children are a great distraction and rest when you can . It will get easier but don’t feel a fool for trying to make it work . 
Virgo - well done you're doing so well, just keep being strong for your DD - you have to. Don't think about HIM - think about your children and that they need a strong, calm, confident Mama to lead them and protect them. This is bigger than his selfishness - don't let his stupidity mean their Mama gets ruined for them as well - don't let it break you.
I have been there...seeing your child missing the family they just had a few days, weeks, months ago and not able to understand why everything is different - seeing your ex with your child and having a pang of "Why can't we have this?" and longing for it again...being out in a park on a Saturday and there being fricking happy families everywhere and happy couples with their new baby or pregnant and all idyllic...don't let it make you sad, feel like a victim or bitter...or jealous of others. It will only hurt you and your kids, no one else.
Make it your mission to rise above & heal from it - rise a Phoenix from the ashes into a stronger version of yourself - even if this means you have to drop your DD at nursery and go to the nearest forest and scream at the top of your lungs to get all the anger, sadness and disappointment out ! Get it out ! Don't let it eat you inside or convince you to wallow or feel sorry for yourself and therefore give HIM all the power. And give his actions the power to ruin the next few years for you and your children. They need their Mama to be present, to face this new (heartbreaking, but not life ending) challenge head on with positivity, grace and strength instead of succumbing to all that negative "poor me" mindset...and only seeing what you're missing out on everywhere ...convincing yourself that you've lost something amazing and you should be a family - it's an illusion, you've lost nothing.
You've gained your freedom from someone who didn't value you or your children or the commitment you made together or the life you made together. This person is NOTHING to you. He adds no value to your life. He is the one who has lost EVERYTHING. His choice. His regret. Don't feel sorry for him when he comes to you in 6 months with a victim story and an apology...don't let that man back into your life.
Onwards and upwards to better things. Yes it will be exhausting but just draw on every kind of friend or family member or way of supporting yourself that you can - ask, ask, ask and talk and tell people what you need so they can help you. Treat yourself as kindly as you will treat your newborn baby and with as much patience and care and understanding. You can do this !!!! Whenever you doubt yourself, read back this thread. And get back into that warrior woman mindset. Somehow you will find the strength after the shock has subsided and you've gone through the grieving. But don't stay stuck there too long & let him take the next few years of your life. That is what happened to me, and I will never get those years back. Those precious years of babyhood with my daughter where I wasn't fully present and I was always sad about HIM or worrying about what he was going to do, or feeling like I'd lost something or was missing something. Guess what...nothing in my situation has changed ... I am still a single Mum, I have not managed to meet anyone, but I have finally prioritised MYself and MY relationship with my daughter, not HIM and not identifying with that victim "poor me" hard done by mindset...I realised that I am enough on my own, for her. We are enough just me and her. We are a proper family, together.
I realised that I am the lucky one, to be away from him and have a fresh start. I feel finally confident and able to move on with my life & like there are so many opportunities for me to be happy, I just need to focus on those, and not on what's hard in my life. And suddenly with just that mindset shift - not identifying with the victim or the drama - limiting contact with him, and nothing else changing, suddenly I feel new possibilities open up in my life and loads of good things seem to be happening right now. The fresh start and opportunity for happiness is always available to you. You're the lucky one.
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