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Verbally abusive ex

(3 Posts)
Fructis57 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:41:11

I'm not sure what to do.
Son's father was very absent in first three years of his life.
Son is now 4 and for the past year we have tried to get some regular contact going.
Agreed on twice a month but it has been more like every 2-3 months.

The issues I have are:
1. He never respects my time (I work full time) and askes to see son on his days off the day before. Which I cannot do....I redirect back to giving me notice at least the week before.
2. He never suggests what to do or where to meet.
3. Son is now showing signs he doesn't want to see dad. Screams uncontrollably for 20 mins when dad around and has openly said "I don't like daddy."
I think this is due to dad not knowing how to bond.
4. Dad critics my parenting in front of son.
5. Dad is negative around son (calls him miserable and bad)
6. Dad is always moaning about child maintenance and calls me a gold digger.
7. Dad does nothing for son (forgets & doesn't kno bday, never askes about development)
8. When dad doesn't get his way he is verbally abusive (calls me a bitch, slut etc)

After son's reaction to his dad I told dad we should limit access temporarily as his behaviour was worrying me as he is not like this around anyone else. Dad agreed.
I try to bring dad up in conversation where possible and explain dad loves him etc.
This week he respected my time and gave me a week's notice and all was going well....
Until days ago he called me a slut and a bitch after trying to get out of child maintenance this month. He then blocked me and unblocked the day before we were supposed to meet asking about plans for the following day. I then cancelled the meet explaining this disrespect and abuse was not acceptable and said we can reschedule once he has calmed down or apologised.
He has totally been verbally abusive since and turned up unannounced at my house.
Language like that is not acceptable and shows he has very little respect for me and our son.
I don't know what to do now. I can't be around him when he thinks this behaviour is ok and as son is so young it's important me and his dad are on the same page which we clearly arent.
Yes my son needs to see his dad but his dad shows no respect, and does little for his son anyway.
Most importantly my son does not want to be around him anyway.
Advise....

Shylo Fri 27-Oct-17 09:46:07

I'm not sure your some does need to see his dad - all the effort seems to be on your part but you can't force a relationship if the dad isn't going to commit.

Your ex sounds vile and clearly isn't that interested in his child, which is awful but not something you can change. If it were me I'd stop pushing ..... let your ex make the effort or else, as I suspect, he will simply slide away

Fructis57 Fri 27-Oct-17 09:50:45

Thanks for message shylo. I don't make the effort anymore. Dad messages weekly asking to see him, I ignore unless he comes with a plan, part of me thinks he is trying but it never works out.
I raised my son without him for first three years and want to cut him off as last year has not worked. Just guess I want to know if I'm justified to do that.

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