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Wise advice needed

(4 Posts)
Gohackyourself Wed 25-Oct-17 20:20:21

Ive been advised to post in LP to help as I need real life experience of how you deal/dealt with this please.

The situation is have been split from ex dh 5-6 years - all have moved on no issues.
The issue has always been dh treats ds like an optional extra - we have had set week nights and weekends in place and over past 2 years since ex met his new partner and her kids and moved he has knocked his weeknights down to none as his excuse was the 40 min round trip was getting too much.
He then made his son give up a weekend sport because he couldn’t commit his weekend time to it for ds.
He agrees to cover a few days in summer holidays ( my parents/myself An partner cover rest) then let’s us down by not fulfilling .

His son had operation 6 weeks ago he texted me to see if had gone to theatre- then didn’t phone/check on his son till he collected him following weekend(ds has a phone he can call him on or text) only time he calls or texts is when he’s telling him he’s not turning up due to late at work or whatever.
He’s meant to turn up last night to collect and 20 mins before tells us “stuck at work won’t be collecting”.

So my question or advice needed is this-
I’ve come to accept he will never fulfill any promises made and even ds is realising too but how do you stop getting annoyed by this- some have tried to advise take all plans with pinch of salt- and I do but I can’t stop the angry feeling- how do I stop that when it happens ?
Once when I had to cancel evening plans I had made he was “well you have parental responsibility so your problem” grrrrrr help

MrsOverTheRoad Thu 26-Oct-17 03:18:09

My main concern would be to protect your son from feelings of rejection. That's the real root of your anger flowers and understandably so.

Therefore, I would be light as possible when discussing his Dad...I would play down any chances of him turning up..."because he's so busy but of course, he loves you"

And whilst this may not be fair, is kinder to your son than the truth.

When your son is older, he will realise that his Dad's a fool...

VinIsGroot Thu 26-Oct-17 03:21:20

Protect
DS...sounds like an arse ... Move in.. both of you!!!

Gohackyourself Thu 26-Oct-17 05:58:04

Ds very graciously accepts it so no issue there in that sense- although part of me wonders if that’s self preservation on his part.
Vinlsgroot- we have definitely moved on but it’s hard to explain, it just feels like although our life as has moved on massively we re still yanked back every few weeks when ex plays about.
Like we can’t get rid of him or his ways. If he just stuck to plan A which is set there would be no need for contact etc but because of “ his work”( lousy lousy excuse for me and a complete lie most of time) he changes things and has to contact me to organise different time , date etc.
I see it that if he’s able to devote all of his 2 weeks to work and New Family- then for 1 night or 2 he could give up the time.
After all , although I work full time I’ve had to be on flexi working since we split and have lost £100 for years for that reason .

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