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Child Maintenance Service. Ex working but claiming JSA?

(3 Posts)
angelxbabyx Mon 23-Oct-17 09:37:14

My ex left me and the 2 kids for my work colleague nearly 3 years ago. My older daughter isnt his but we have a son together. We were together for 5 years. He took off out of the blue one day with this girl I worked with and took MY £2200 savings. I reported him to the police but they couldnt do anything because he had access to the account and it was taken gradually over a period of time in small amounts and I didnt notice until he took off when I couldnt pay the rent and tried to take money out of it. Since he left I had to get a second job and had to move into my parents as I couldnt afford the rent after living there for 8 years! and not being able to pay childcare aswell. He has worked for 15 years but when I went to CSA he went onto the sick and now is on Job seekers just so he doesnt have to pay a £100 a month for our son. I get £13.50 every two weeks for our soon now hes on Job seekers but he is working cash in hand this whole time. I reported him to the benefet people but nothing has come of it. Its been 3 years now and hes had a kid with this girl and living the high life on continueous luxurious holidays to dubai.. etc and ive had enough. His best friend is a personal trainer and hes been working in his gym so his friend is making sure he doesnt go on the books so he doesnt have to pay! I thought ild just let him ride it out until the benefits people catch him or he has to return to work properly but its been 2 years on job seekers now and im fed up. He evaded them the first year. Im struggling to make ends meet, living with the embarrassment of having my life together and supporting myself to having to work two jobs and move into my parents. Our son is mute and it costs a fortune to travel about to constant appointments and speech theraphy and a special nursery as he didnt qualify for the goverment to pay as his needs arent that severe, so they say.
Im just so angry. He up and left with my money and then refuses to give anything towards our son. He has not contacted me once since the day he left. No once has he asked to see him son. He even began telling peopld that he isnt his son because hes a 'spastic' because he cant talk and has additional needs. It broke my heart that his own dad would say that about him and telling his family and friends that he is not his!
Im so angry that he would do this to him. Thankfully my son doesnt seem that bothered that hes not around although it was hard at the beginning for him as he doesnt like change and was only able to communicate physically with us due to his social interaction. 3 years on and I doubt he remembers him as hes 4 now.
Can I report him to the CSA or should I just leave it. I know hes intitled to the money but ive done it on my own so far, its just with christmas and his birthday coming up I always get angry this time of year.
Anyways, thanks for listening to me vent just needed to release some of this anger before I explode.

Louw12345 Mon 23-Oct-17 11:53:22

Hiya hun first I would get your child the support needed of the government. They won't help due to his age but you really need to sort that out. Go to citizens advice and ask them to help you with forms etc.

Once you have this the stress will ease abit.

My ex was an arse but eventually it's caught up with him. I understand its frustrating that he and his new family live a high life. However, resenting him will not help your child, it's easier said than done but refocus those feelings against him and put them into you and your child.

I had to brake things down in my head. My daughter had alot going on and I was always like her dad should be here. Over time I realised he wasn't and instead of giving my full time to her I was anger with him.

Iv learnt that all my children will forever be my children. They see what dad does and doesn't do and that's enough for me to get on with things and help them as much as I can.

I now don't have any anger towards him. I don't care what he has or his gf I don't even get mad if they don't follow through with things they say they would. This is because they are teaching my children that they will let them down always and I won't.

Christmas and birthdays really don't need to be expensive. I have 5 girls we talk about their list and I always say mummy will do her best, but what's better then presents is that we get to have Christmas together.

I wrap everything from pjs to booble sets.

You have alot going on at once and it's best the separate them things as emotions can be caught up where they shouldn't.

Don't worry about the support you don't have think of the support you do have.

You won't be in the position forever either. Good luck and hop all gos well

DaisysStew Mon 23-Oct-17 11:58:35

My ex is doing the same - and laughing in my face about it at contact every week.

I reported him for benefit fraud and he's currently under investigation. Doesn't get me any money for our son but it has at least wiped the smirk off his stupid face.

Your ex sounds like a real nasty fucker - what an awful thing to say about his child. Report him for the fraud, you can do it online anonymously.

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