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Dealing with no maintenance...

(5 Posts)
slightlycross Mon 16-Oct-17 23:10:24

Hi all, just looking emotional tips to deal with not getting maintenance. My Ex is not working and I suspect his new girlfriend is supporting him (he may be trading aka gambling) but self-employed even if he is. He's a tricky character to deal with and although I can cope financially, am struggling with the concept of him not contributing whilst I have to do the job of 2 parents by working and everything else. He also has form for not having DCs when it's not convenient for him.. that is hugely frustrating but he knows I won't leave them alone. All and any tips welcome!!

AnnettePrice Tue 17-Oct-17 08:44:03

I hear you
I'm in the same situation. It's the weight of 100% responsibility for finances as well as emotional and physical wellbeing. It's heavy and I find it overwhelming sometimes.
On average DC has a good life, everything that he needs, he's got wonderful grandparents and a great group of friends.
I'm not a perfect parent, but if my DC is anything to go by, I must be doing something right smile

It's what I focus on when it feels too much.
Be kind to yourself, remind yourself of all the positive things in your life. Be proud of all of your achievements, not just those big one in a lifetime ones, but also the ones you have every day (for me it's Sunday dinner, dc said he loved it grin ).
Life is usually about lots of little things, it's taking the time to notice the good ones so they don't get crowded out by the bad

Good luck, you can do it! And I'm sure you already have, you just need to notice it grin flowers

Shylo Tue 17-Oct-17 08:48:23

I have a big box labelled 'reasons I'm no longer with you' into which I stuff things like this, put the lid on and then let it go ....

I know it's not always that easy but my ex isn't going to change, he is what he is and we are better off without him living with us and lingering on these issues only stresses me out, it doesn't change him

lalaloopyhead Tue 17-Oct-17 08:54:25

I had this, no maintenance to 10 years + as ex hasn't worked in that time (there are various health reasons though). It has been hard at times and the kids have gone without school trips abroad and other luxuries but never essentials. I am proud that I have supported them on my own and not had to rely on him for anything.

He has been a good Dad in other ways so I do see my story is different to others and probably why I don't have too much bitterness.

One thing I do find odd it the dc don't understand the concept of him supporting them financially, they are older now and in a moment when I was a bit cheesed off I said that maybe DD should ask her Dad for a bit of pocket money and she thought this a bizarre suggestion - almost like asking a random uncle for pocket money or something.

That was sad but more so for him I think.

slightlycross Tue 17-Oct-17 20:59:45

Thanks everyone. I've had a lovely afternoon with dcs after school and cherishing that has really helped!

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