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Anyone else going to be alone this Christmas?

(25 Posts)
user1487175389 Thu 12-Oct-17 16:07:38

Shall we have a support thread for those or us who are facing Christmas alone, with or without our dcs?

In my case I started feeling Christmas looming on the horizon again around August this year! The dcs are already asking for pet unicorns and other unlikely presents... I'm estranged from my family and don't have a new partner, so would be great to find a support network on here.this will be my fourth Christmas without the ex. Can't quite believe it's been that long already.

Misspollyhadadollie Fri 13-Oct-17 20:20:56

Hi, Yes I will be. I have 4 kids.

shaaan1329 Fri 13-Oct-17 22:53:53

Not sure if my situation counts but would like to follow the thread regardless to get some advice. I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day, minimal family support and single with the father to be not interested in me or baby. Gonna be an interesting one!

rougebuterfly Fri 13-Oct-17 23:04:04

This will be my second Christmas in my own, having left an abusive relationship last year.

winglesspegasus Fri 13-Oct-17 23:32:53

rouge good for you/better to be free buterfly
everyone else ,i am not christian but do get down on xmas/dh died last xmas so its gonna be a trial.
can't do it where i live but used to love going to midnight mass on xmas eve.beautiful cathedrals and everyone happy and peaceful.

user1487175389 Sat 14-Oct-17 17:36:28

Hey everyone. Good to see you all - I was starting to think I'd be the only one.

MissPolly goodness, 4 dcs must be hard work, especially as Christmas looms. I have 3 myself, but I take my hat off to you.

Shaaan welcome - of course your situation counts! It must be really daunting what you're going through.

rouge I can relate to that, as my ex was also abusive. It's good to be free of him, but still scary facing my kids' expectations of Christmas on my own. They get so excited - I wish I could feel the same. Sometimes I feel I'm bound to let them down somehow and spoil the magic. Hopefully I'll rise to the challenge again somehow though.

wingless I'm so sorry for your loss. How devastating flowers. Hopefully this will be a place where you can at least draw on some online support.

yorkshirejo Sat 21-Oct-17 19:19:18

My 1st Christmas alone and estranged from family too. Last year the ex and I spent Christmas day together for our son and our selves if I'm honest too. But it was just delaying the inevitable really. This year, I'm alone whilst the ex has met a new partner.

I did hear of a charity called Stand Alone on BBC R4 Womans' Hour. They are holding workshops for those estranged from family in the run up and post-festive period. I'm going to the one in Manchester.

user1487175389 Sat 21-Oct-17 21:15:16

Hi yorkshirejo sorry to hear you're on your own too. The first year the ex and i also did christmas together for the dcs, buy its not an experience i ever want to repeat tbh.

Thats a coincidence - I'm also signed up for Stand Alone (in London) after hearing about the on Woman's hour - I've only been able to get to one session so far, but I hope it's going to be the beginning of getting my life back on track.

free2017 Fri 27-Oct-17 11:35:45

Yes I will be single parent one DC .this is the fifth Christmas alone since he was born smile

HydrangeaRanger Thu 09-Nov-17 21:30:16

It'll just be me and bump too! Looking forward to having a sleep in...

Sillysausage123 Fri 10-Nov-17 20:57:20

Just me and my son and it's lonely every year.
It annoys me that people assume you shouldn't be lonely if you have children at xmas but as my son is 11 now and not wanting toys for xmas or to watch xmas films I really feel envious of people having large family xmas'

Sillysausage123 Fri 10-Nov-17 20:58:12

Just me and my son and it's lonely every year.
It annoys me that people assume you shouldn't be lonely if you have children at xmas but as my son is 11 now and not wanting toys for xmas or to watch xmas films I really feel envious of people having large family xmas

apoolofprettypetals Fri 10-Nov-17 21:13:23

Although I am not alone for Christmas me and DP was just discussing inviting an elderly person for lunch or a homeless person.
I remember seeing an advert a good while back saying that you can volunteer to do this for old people but we are struggling to remember what it was!
Does anyone know?

atomicnotsoblonde Fri 10-Nov-17 23:35:47

I’m dreading it. It will be our first Christmas and new year alone after he was arrested for dv. I’ve looked for local family parties at new year but most are 4 course hotel based and very expensive. No idea what to do or how to make it special. Any suggestions welcome and love to all struggling x

apoolofprettypetals Fri 10-Nov-17 23:41:26

I would welcome anyone into my home at Christmas, such a horrible thought that people are alone.

ButFirstTea Sat 11-Nov-17 00:02:27

I don't want to intrude - I'm not a parent and I'm lucky to not be alone this Christmas - but just wanted to let you know if you weren't aware, every year the comedian Sarah Millican hosts a Twitter chat on Christmas day under the hashtag #joinin for people who are alone and fancy connecting with others in the same boat.

Hope you all manage to enjoy the festive season as much as possible x

Starlet1 Fri 01-Dec-17 20:22:21

I am on my own this Christmas. My son is working and is not able to be home.
The other thing which hurts is that I have a father in his 80s . Mother died Christmas last year and I offered to go down ( he lives a good five hours drive away) but he said that he prefers to be alone.
Last week he told me that his " daughter" what!!! Was going to be on her own so he was going to drive some considerable distance to her home on Christmas Eve and stay with her for the holiday period! This woman was a friend of my mother's I am to told but I have never even met her. It really hurts that he calls somebody else daughter. And that his real daughter is in her own and he didn't think before he opened his mouth.
Hey ho! I am disabled so it's difficult for me to. Volunteer anywhere.
There is so much hype about Christmas, and it is lovely for a lot of people but equally there are a lot of people for whom Christmas is the worst time of year for lots of reasons. So if you too are alone my heart goes out to you. Xxx

ChaChaChaCh4nges Fri 01-Dec-17 20:25:57

Count me in. My second Christmas alone. XH has a GF this year, which somehow makes it worse.

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Fri 01-Dec-17 20:36:51

It's so bloody hard isn't it? I've taken to volunteering with the Salvation Army on Christmas Day every other year when DD is with her dad. It's such a wonderful way to spend the day and I intend to do it with DD when she's old enough. I hope you all find a way of making it a special day.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor Tue 12-Dec-17 00:40:51

Understandable if your DC are with their dad but if you are a lone parent with your children on Christmas Day then immerse yourself and give DCs your undivided attention! Have a drink/tweet/mumsnet when it's over and they've gone to bed - please don't let their memories of Christmases past be of mum on her phone!xxx

Brandnewstart Tue 12-Dec-17 01:01:00

First time without kids on Xmas Eve (which I love more than Xmas day). No church, no little party which we have done every year. On the plus side, partner is off. He worked until 2am last Xmas eve. Perhaps one day they'll all be here at the same time!
Won't see my family though as they are 4 hours away and I just can't make the timings fit.
And I am bitter my ex will be playing happy families with my kids and the OW on Xmas Eve. Bad time of year as I discovered his affair shortly before Xmas 2014.

Starlet1 Tue 12-Dec-17 17:25:41

It's not always a good time of year is it.No matter how brave our intentions are we can't help but think that everyone else is having a wonderful time, but they are not. For a lot of people - single or not - Christmas is an ordeal. All this advertising doesn't help!
I know what you mean, it's just not the same when circumstances change our personal rituals which we look forward too, I too enjoyed Christmas Eve - I did a massive buffet, we went to Church and the kids were allowed to open a present from under the tree, a bath and new pjs ready for the pictures next morning. I miss all that'll get through it , make sure that you plan something nice for yourself, make a nice meal,a glass of prosecco, a nice bath and do your nails. Spend it pampering yourself so you will be feeling good when you see the children on Christmas day. My heart goes out to you. Xxx

Kingsclerelass Wed 13-Dec-17 03:57:52

6th year, just me & ds. And I'm starting to prefer it. Am I getting selfish, unsociable, grumpy old woman? Slightly worrying.
My Xmas goes something like .... being leapt on by small boy, his Xmas stocking & my coffee in bed, then special breakfast, telly, phone calls from siblings etc, open a bottle of fizz, cooking, eating, fresh air, board games (he wins), more presents, more telly, skyping friend in Montreal, carrying boy to bed then snoozing on the sofa with nowhere to rush off to. Peace.
No awful in-laws, no being told off because the gifts I bought in-laws were wrong, no stressing over food not being perfect, no criticism.
Don't get me wrong, I do get lonely sometimes but at Xmas, it's just a relief!
Am I really the only one?

Lonewolf2017 Wed 13-Dec-17 06:57:31

Hey everyone. This is my last Xmas with my family due to lost love. I'm scared guys. My family is my life, my son is what keeps me going and I wanna be around for Xmas but my head is telling me to leave now, my heart all my emotions are still locked up in the memories I have with my ex and my son. She left me 4 weeks before Xmas for the second time in 8 years. She's not the nicest person but loves love and I always thought it was enough. My worry is what if this has a negative effect on this time of year for the rest of my life? Don't wanna be grinched at Xmas forever.

Starlet1 Wed 13-Dec-17 08:16:27

Can you spend just the afternoon with them just for the sake of your child? It's not his fault and he would miss you. Make sure it's quality time, take him for a walk, play with him and afterwards do your own thing. It's a compromise. Best wishes

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