Am I being selfish

[octobersunshine]

DS aged 16 months is in childcare 3 days a week. He goes to my parents and ex's parents the other two. On Thursdays, my ex picks up DS and drops him at a mid meeting point with his parents and picks him up at the same spot after work and drops back at home.

Ex is going travelling for five weeks and wants me to do the morning drop offs with his parents instead. I've decided to put him in a with his childminder instead, my reason being that ex's parents have very specified times they will pick him up and drop him off, neither of which fit around my working day. If I go with their times, I'll be really late for work, and have to leave much later. I work 30 miles from home so it's a big commute with a lot of traffic. His childminder lives locally and it will be much easier for me.

His family are really angry at me for making this arrangement. But I feel that's mis-directed because ex is going on an extended holiday and no one has said anything to him at all. I feel like, as ever, ex makes holiday / weekend arrangements which I'm supposed to organise around, and if I don't, I'm the baddy for not making contact. I f

AIBU? Should I just do the drop offs to them? This is his arrangement with his parents, yet no one says it's a dereliction of his duty, but it's mine for not just agreeing to new arrangements. I'm angry that I'm expected to just pick up the slack when ex goes away on a big travelling holiday and I get the stick if I do what suits me.

[73Marie]

I guess unless its court ordered you can pretty much just say what works for you and children's dad. I don't think yabu. He's the one heading off and in light of him changing his schedule you have to rearrange things.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Tell him he has to make the alternative arrangements then. He can source reliable childcare to do what should do for 5 weeks or he can get his parents to be more flexible. HE facilitates access so HE needs to sort it. Otherwise you'll take it that you have to arrange childcare to suit you.

Will DS miss grandparents over the gap especially with Dad away? That might make me offer to take him over of a weekend or e very fortnight or similar

[goodbeans]

If his family still want to do the childcare then they can do pick-ups / drop-offs st a time/place that suits you. They (presumably) don’t work, whereas you do.

[flumpybear]

They’re being difficult because of times, tell them it’s either x times do you can be at work on time, or the child minder is your only option.... can the minder have your son til they can pick him up?