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How do you get time to socialise

(14 Posts)
mumofthreesmallmen3 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:39:26


Just a quick one to see others opinions, I've been single for almost a year now with 3 children 8 and under. Family/friends keep asking when I am going to get back out There, if I'm honest I'm really not interested in any kind of relationship but if in the future I was how do you get the time?! When the kids dad sees the kids in the week he pops in a couple of times in the afternoon at my place as he lives 45 mins away in the traffic so no point taking them to his on a school night and weekends he has them on a Sunday roughly 12-5 each week.
So basically what I'm asking is when do you get the time to meet somebody if your situation is similar? It seems impossible! I really can't imagine a man being happy just meeting for a couple of hours on a Sunday but never being available for any evening drinks dinner etc. Obviously could have somebody to mine in the evenings but wouldn't be comfortable with that until months and months along the line. How does it work?! It seems unfair sometimes that he has so much free time to build new relationships/date but I do realise I am so lucky to have the majority of responsibility for my boys and wouldn't change that for the world I guess I am just thinking about how it will all work out in the future when I am ready to start again?
Wow longer than I thought thanks for reading!!

NoCryLilSoftSoft Mon 09-Oct-17 21:43:13

I very rarely do. Single 7 years, 2 Dc, one with additional needs. Dad doesn't seem them at all. Oldest can stay away with friends or family but youngest can't. Going out involves paying someone to babysit which makes even a local night out in the pub far more expensive than just the cost of a few drinks so isn't worth it IMO. Our local area isn't great for socialising anyway and I can't afford to head further afield. It's depressing to think about it so I try not to. Just accept this is it. Sorry to be so glum. I have no solution for you I'm afraid.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Mon 09-Oct-17 21:44:01

Why isn't he having them for any overnights? That's the only time I get to socialise.

Otherwise, babysitting swaps with friends?

NoCryLilSoftSoft Mon 09-Oct-17 21:44:55

Why doesn't your ex have the DC overnight at weekends?

megletthesecond Mon 09-Oct-17 21:49:15

I don't (sorry) No one has them overnight. My last evening out was two years ago.

mumofthreesmallmen3 Mon 09-Oct-17 22:37:38

At the moment he Is renting a room in a shared house so can't have them overnight, don't know when that will change. My mum will have the older two and loves having them for a sleep over but my youngest has a few health conditions which can be quite scary, so neither of us are too comfortable with him staying over night. I guess it may change over time if he sorts himself his own place out and as they get older. It just seems it's so much easier for him, he has every evening free to meet people, Saturday day times etc. I just can't imagine ever having enough time to make anything of anything!

NoCryLilSoftSoft Mon 09-Oct-17 23:05:11

Could he/ would you be comfortable with him having the children at your house to let you go out?

73Marie Tue 10-Oct-17 00:58:10

Nope no chance of a social life here either :-(

wendz86 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:26:02

I have a similar set up where ex is a lodger so he mainly comes to mine to see kids or takes them out . If I want to go out and he's not working he looks after them at mine or my mum comes and babysits . I don't go out a lot but is nice to have that time out . When he gets his own place I will expect he will have them for more overnights .

ProseccoOnAGecko Fri 13-Oct-17 21:13:39

Similar here, ex has them twice in the week when I work, and 10-5 one day at the weekend when I just get stuff done really. I assume that if and when I meet someone who's that interested then something will work out. Would your mum stay at yours with your 3 DC so that you can go out without a curfew and have some help in the morning, while still having the security of you being there overnight? Or maybe she could have them all overnight and you could stay at her house?

mumofthreesmallmen3 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:37:43

Yeah my mum is quite good, I think it's a combination of my youngests age (almost 2 so still quite young) and the fact he can have serious seizures etc which even worries me a lot let alone when it is not even your child! It's a lot of responsibility and I get that. I really don't think my ex would do that he likes to make things as awkward as poss not help! I guess I'm just feeling quite lonely I love the kids but sometimes it's nice to have some time with other people and not child related! I get quite bored in the evenings and when he has them all I literally do is do my cleaning/jobs or go and get my shopping!x

IndependentMum Thu 19-Oct-17 12:32:54

I rarely go out now. On the odd occasion where I get a free night (DC goes to his dad's one night per fortnight) I am normally too tired to socialise. I've been out of the social sphere at work now for so long because of my situation that people have stopped inviting me out now anyway, so I've become quite isolated.

I agree that the men definitely have it easier when they can walk away from their children and have new relationships and move on. Meanwhile i'm sat like a prisoner in my own home! I've accepted things now, i'm done fighting the fight. One day my son will be old enough so I can leave him for a couple of hours in the evening so I guess it won't be forever

Nikitasol Sun 22-Oct-17 21:08:22

I share all these sentiments.. hard to imagine meeting anyone in this situation.. same for me. Frustrating.

Louw12345 Mon 23-Oct-17 14:09:54

I would suggest by staring with afew hours out. Your mum could be at yours with kids your out afew hours etc.

This will help your mum build her confidence with your youngest health condition and you get to have some you time.

Most of all your friends will understand you can't be out too late just now.

I would say food and afew drinks as the months go by of you having say once or twice a month with yours mayes hopefully their dad will have his own place and over nights won't affect you as much either

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