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How can I best help my pregnant friend who will be a single mum?

(9 Posts)
silkpyjamasallday Fri 06-Oct-17 12:44:58

Hello, my friend is due to have her first baby imminently, and will be a single parent. The father wants nothing to do with his child and is in deep denial. She also doesn't have family around to support her and all in all is going to be going into motherhood in a difficult position. I am giving her all of our baby things that are in good condition that she would like snuzpod, baby bath, breast pumps, bouncer, clothes etc and I have got her a pram/travel system as a present, but I wanted to ask what practical help would be most appreciated by a single parent to a newborn? I found the early days difficult enough with a partner and family around to help and I just want to make it as stress free as possible for her. I'm planning on batch cooking and freezing meals for her and obviously will take the baby so she can rest in the early days but is there anything else I can do that I haven't thought of?

Blues123 Sat 07-Oct-17 04:40:37

You're such a lovely friend. What you've listed already will be a huge help.
When I had my first baby my husband was suffering from MH issues and wasn't very present, I was very isolated from my family thinking I could do it alone. What would be meant so much is some frozen meals/snack box/ coming over and cleaning up/getting the groceries/being there to talk to. Also I would've been so grateful for a bath or some time to myself that someone made me take instead of cleaning, cooking etc.

The world should have more people like you xx

isthistoonosy Sat 07-Oct-17 04:47:09

You sound like a really great friend, I would listen to her and let her take the lead. My partner was unavoidably working 16-14hr shifts for the first 6 days after our first was born and to be honest I mostly fine (provided someone else cooked dinner). It was nice to have the time alone with the baby.

Milliemoo37 Sat 07-Oct-17 05:08:19

You're friend is very lucky to have you. I'm currently awake with my 6do DS, partner is in bed having looked after him for half the day.
I'd love somebody to come and help tidy the house, do washing, make sure bins/recycling is collected, make meals and take the time to sit and eat. Have baby whilst I slept. You could also help her with any questions she has about bringing up her child, what a baby needs etc.

Out2pasture Sat 07-Oct-17 05:08:45

the name and phone number of a couple babysitters, same with someone that cleans house.

Dancingfairy Sat 07-Oct-17 10:21:53

What a lovely you are! I just became a single mother to number 4 and had no one even someone to talk to would have been a massive help, so just being an ear to listen aswell smile

Proudtrout Sat 07-Oct-17 12:08:22

Just to agree with what everyone else has said- what a great friend you are.
I was in the exact same position as your friend and unfortunately without such a good friend nearby.
I think you've got it spot on- food is a big help and if she's happy for you to take the baby so she can rest that's great. Equally great would be to just let her stay with baby and do the washing/washing up/bit of housework. Personally speaking I had a few people offering to 'take the baby off my hands for a while' but no practical help...I wasn't interested in anyone taking my baby away from me, it was walking the dog/keeping the house running that would have been the biggest help!

Also- depending on how well the birth goes, does she have anyone to stay for just the first few nights at all? I was lucky enough to have someone stay with me but I think the first night alone is a big deal - I remember just uncontrollably sobbing in the middle of the night with my baby screaming at me because I couldn't find the painkillers. My sister gently pressed them into my hands with a glass of water and left the room again. I have never loved her more than in that tiny moment. X

MollyBloomYes Sun 08-Oct-17 02:35:21

Oh this is so lovely to read! You’ve thought of a lot of brilliant things already and I second posters above in being a listening ear-if you can be around for the dreaded day 3 hormone crash that would be especially helpful! Direct her over here as well, it will seem very big and very scary at first and there will be lots of people on here who can reassure her that it will be ok and there is something very special about the ‘us against the world’ bond you begin to develop with your children as a lone parent.

The one thing that I really miss, having become a lone parent with my second child, was being able to share all the silly little trivial stuff your child does with someone who loves them as much as you do. Perhaps reassure her that you can be the one she gets to tell all the stupid things to? You sound like such an amazing friend already that I’m sure you’ll have a great deal of affection for this little one anyway! Usually with friends we tend to share the big stuff like crawling and maybe comparisons with each other’s children’s but it would be amazing to also have someone to tell some of the silly little tiny incidental moments that make up the course of a day. Perhaps offer to accompany her (your time and commitments allowing of course) to anything that might typically have both parents there-registering the birth for example or inviting her along to the odd day out with your family? Obviously only what you can manage and feel comfortable with.

Best of luck OP you really are a wonderful friend

butterfly990 Mon 09-Oct-17 13:02:58

Agree with posters who mention cleaning, cooking shopping, bins, listening etc.

Also a baby thermometer would be a practical gift.

You sound amazing! I hope your friend has a fabulous birth

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