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Do any of you truly enjoy/prefer being single?

(25 Posts)
NoNamesLeft86 Tue 26-Sep-17 06:09:48

Sorry if that sounds a bit personal. Im planning to leave my partner, as soon as I can find a house/landlord who will accept me on benefits. But there still a slight uncertainty.

I am very unhappy with him and have been for a long time. We have 2 children together, and I have 2 from a previous marriage.

Right now I cant think of anything better than my own space and the freedom to parent how I want, have my house the way I want, manage my momey the way I want etc.

But theres that niggle that - will I regret this? Theres no real going back from this. Other than maybe being together but living apart. Although I am Not sure how that works finacially. But not ideal anyway.

Im unlikely to have a new relationship for many years. Kids are all young, 3 out of 4 are autistic. One is severely mentally impaired and very dependant on me and hard work. Im in poor health - have become very over weight in the past 2 years and have no confidence to go dating again. And And energy or time to either.

Right now I just want to get out of here. But its a big big jump.

I guess I just want to see your side of things, if your already single with children?

PollyPelargonium52 Tue 26-Sep-17 07:28:11

I prefer single. Wouldn't swap it for the world.

73Marie Tue 26-Sep-17 07:30:48

Oh bless you. There's no easy answer because only you know how unhappy you are feeling right now.

Personally I'm unhappy single, but im safe so there's no doubt in my mind that being a lone paren't was right thing to happen. Its not really being single that's making me unhappy tho it's feeling alone in the world, very few friends n no family nearby. Hard to make friends or get childcare when you have autistic children...I know that first hand.
What I would say is whatever happens try to keep your childrens routines. Reassure them you love them and be prepared to compromise on how you raise your children (theoretically you won't be getting to parent how you want 50% of the time...that is assuming your dc dad cares about them n doesn't drop out their lives). You will still be co-parenting, just doing it seperately. Take as much help as you can. Of course you can be happy single, millions of people are...but it's such hard work raising kids alone ...get all the help you can. And take care of youself, whatever happens you are important too and deserve good health and happiness x

WinchestersInATardis Tue 26-Sep-17 07:33:34

Yes, I love it. The freedom is incredible. Money is short and so is time but I'm not answerable to anyone.
I haven't regretted a minute.

BertieBotts Tue 26-Sep-17 07:35:29

Single is infinitely preferable to a shit relationship. However, I don't have disabled children. What support does he give you now with childcare? That would be my biggest worry. That he may disappear completely.

PollyPelargonium52 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:00:13

There is an interesting thread about being single in AIBU.

wendz86 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:18:36

I'm very happy being single . I basically had another child to look after before . I do get the odd moment of loneliness but the good outweighs the bad .

ScrabbleFiend Tue 26-Sep-17 08:21:03

Yes, love being single. Come over to this thread

Rheged Tue 26-Sep-17 08:23:05

Being single is 1000% better than being in an unhappy marriage. I can tell you this from my own experience. I am no longer carrying a useless man child, I have no one picking ridiculous fights or undermining me with the DCs. I have the constant anger and resentment i used to feel towards my ex. In many ways it is lovely.

Sometimes I miss adult company but I have my parents and siblings and have built up a good support network of friends over the years.

I don't regret it.

cushioncovers Tue 26-Sep-17 08:33:14

Definitely prefer being single to being in a shit relationship absolutely. Been single 7 years now and for the most part I'm happy and love having the choice to do what I want (although I am now most financially restricted)but occasionally I do feel sad that I don't have that special someone in my life.

BertieBotts Tue 26-Sep-17 09:55:20

But then again childcare isn't a good reason to stay in a relationship either! I think the cost of staying in a bad relationship is so high it can seriously break everything else anyway.

PollyPelargonium52 Mon 02-Oct-17 06:40:53

Being single isn't a condition or a disease!

gem31566 Mon 02-Oct-17 08:03:04

You need to do what makes you happy, being a lone parent is not awful! I prefer it as I don't have an annoying man telling me how to raise my kids and then not even bothering to help! If ur not happy in ur relationship move on and be happy smile

BlackeyedSusan Mon 02-Oct-17 20:09:17

it is fucking hard work with autistic kids but better than being still with ex.

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 10:33:16

I'm newly single with a 7yo non verbal autistic ds. Split with his dad 3.5 years ago and after the initial upset of the split I think I was happier single than I ever was in the relationship. Stupidly got back together with him a year ago and have just split again.
I never dated anyone during our split because I just don't have time, I can only leave ds with my dm. His dad doesn't have him overnight ever.
What I'm trying to say (very badly), is although it can get a little bit lonely it's infinitely preferable to being in an unhappy relationship.
Good luck to you op

Unicornsandrainbows3 Sun 08-Oct-17 11:53:25

Same response as Blackeyedsusan. Limited DV is a real plus! I honestly think I'll be happily single for life now.

Dancingfairy Sun 08-Oct-17 12:10:35

Not for me no but it means I have no child care and no money as if ex isn't with me he doesn't bother with his kids

Morello444 Sun 08-Oct-17 19:23:16

Yes much much happier on my own. Single mum of 4 and have been since my oldest boy was born, he's now almost 13. Even when married I did it all on my own while he had another girl on the side.

MarvellousMonsters Sun 15-Oct-17 16:28:14

Yes. I genuinely prefer being single. It’s hard work lone parenting, but the simplicity of my life without a whining man-baby in it more than makes up for it.

NameChanger22 Wed 18-Oct-17 12:08:16

I much prefer being single, and have been for 9 years. I wouldn't get into another relationship again for any reason. However, I think good childcare is essential. If you have a good friend or two then there is no need to be lonely.

IndependentMum Thu 19-Oct-17 14:39:31

I'm a lone parent with an autistic son. I've been on my own for 6 years now. I'm definitely happier now i'm out of a relationship, though being a lone parent does come with it's challenges - mainly childcare for me has been the biggest stress.

yasmin05 Fri 20-Oct-17 10:23:32

Being single is always a challenging task but you would discover your strengths only if you are confronted with such situations. I've never been in that situation but my bff is and I honor her pain and proud of how she handles her family very well smile

Notreallyarsed Fri 20-Oct-17 10:26:46

I was single for 4 years after leaving XH and I loved it. A lot of people struggled to understand why I wasn’t dating or even looking, but I was quite happy with it just being DS1 and me.

I met DP and wouldn’t have given up being single for anyone but him, that might sound cheesy but it was giving up being single because I enjoyed it. Nobody but him would have changed that.

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 10:28:07

I don't enjoy being single.

But whether it's better than a 'bad' relationship is really difficult to tell. I suppose it depends how bad the relationship is.

PollyPelargonium52 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:27:06

yasmin05 I disagree that being single is a challenging task as you put it. Unless you were intending to put single parent.

Even then it can depend on the circumstances.

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