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My ex is having a baby

(9 Posts)
Louw12345 Mon 07-Aug-17 07:30:12

Wow well this weekend has been one shock after another. First they got engaged then the kids came home and told me they are having a baby.

It doesn't bother me I'm happy for them however I do feel abit of something and really don't know what it is.
My partner keeps asking me if I'm ok. Should I not be?

My ex has had trouble understanding what his responsibites are when it comes to his children

So really this can go two ways 1, he steps up and bes the father he needs or 2, he will push them to one side.

Has anyone been through this? Iv known this guy for many years and I would love to hope that the new child will be the making of him to step up with all his kids but due to the past I'm en sure.
He doesn't help towards the upbringing of the kids he has now but then gets pregnant.

OP’s posts: |
JenNtonic Mon 07-Aug-17 12:08:23

Hi Lou :-)
Aghhh I know what you mean, I felt funny as if I was to blame for my ex being a prick and "why will he do it for her and not for us" ..... it passes :-)
Hopefully he'll improve his fathering with your children :-) xx

Louw12345 Mon 07-Aug-17 12:49:40

Aww good I hope so. He has been doing alot more with the kids however still no CM payment.

What annoys me is he stopped seeing his kids while he got his relationship starTed with his gf and then stopped payments which she knows about.

My worry would be he doesn't keep it up and I'm picking the pieces again

OP’s posts: |
JenNtonic Mon 07-Aug-17 15:22:04

Sad isn't it.
Yep it passes, I think it took me until the baby was about 1 though :-/ xx What's your relationship like with his gf (if there's any relationship at all I mean ) ?
Xx

Louw12345 Mon 07-Aug-17 18:13:40

Oh gosh how was they with your child/ children while pregnant?
Did you say congratulations to them?
How did you find out?

I have no problem with her regarding how she looks after the kids. However she has known he hasn't been supporting his children and also that he's missed days with them.
She likes to talk to me about money (CM) and I tell her yes we struggle then she likes to talk about all these things they want get /spend on the kids.

Which is like a kick in the teeth as when I was with my ex I never never asked him for money. He paid his cm sorted access for kids then it all stopped then starring seeing them but never paid cm
She would have collected the children twice or three times since Jan she has told me he will start paying. Iv give up coz it would make me mad.

OP’s posts: |
JenNtonic Mon 07-Aug-17 21:06:59

Hmmmm sounds a bit iffy to me but they deserve each other. She sees that he doesn't support his first lot yet is going to be perfectly ok with that and even add another child to the mix ..... good luck with that.
I have to be honest I didn't say congratulations no but I did get my little boy a congratulatory card when the baby was born.
I found out the same way as you and that pissed me off a bit, I kind of expected him to tell me but I can't figure out why I felt like that (weird )
I'd have to comment when she says about spending and things but I'm a bit more brutal than you by the sound of it. Xx

Louw12345 Mon 07-Aug-17 21:30:43

Yes very true with what your saying there. Tbh I think she's got the ready made family however they are my children she just borrows them every other week haha.

I must admit I did say it to her as I had one of mine with me but told my ex to put his hand in his pocket for the kids that are already here.

It could be the way we found out, my children have been different around me and it's driving me mad. So iv been around many friends so they they can talk about theit news without it being one on one with me if you understand?

I spent many years of my voice and opinions not being of any value I'm learning to find my voice. Every time she brings it up the kids are there and I don't want them involved but this news knowin he's not providing for these is really annoying me.

If it comes about I will have to say something but I really don't want my kids in the middle

OP’s posts: |
JenNtonic Mon 07-Aug-17 21:48:15

You sound like such a lovely mum :-)

Totally inderstand where you're coming from.
Borrowing the kids lol I had visions of you walking up the drive with them under your arm lol !
Can I ask how the children are being different with you ? Do you think they're picking up on your feelings ? Xx

Louw12345 Mon 07-Aug-17 22:10:52

Push over some times.

Well when they told me the younger ones stood at my door whispering to each other which one will tell me. So they did and I was like Aww really that's lovely I bet your excited (something iv learnt to do for my kids sake haha). How ever one was looking at me she's normally loving and playful with my partner but she didn't talk to him.
And one gave me a hug (youngest)
My eldest just said yeah shes ok with the news and started talking about something else buy her eyes started watering.

Today they brought it up again but looked at me while saying it. I'm. Wondering if they may pick on my feelings or they have over heard something at dad's house.

We have had trouble with the children expressing their feelings in thw past due to the brake up. One ended up with panic attacks as he was using her as a middle man.
With that iv learnt to push my feelings to one side (bad brake up even thou my choice was very hard to pull myself together ) for them. My eldest creeps about today so I know she wants to talk buy isn't quite ready yet.

They may be picking up on feelings but we only had around 30 to 45 mins together b4 bed time.

OP’s posts: |

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