Hello everyone, I have been with my husband and best friend for seven years and married for a few of them.
We have had our ups and downs like every other couple, but since we got married and had our baby I'm just finding things such hard work.
His my best friend and we have only spent the odd week apart for holidays in the seven years. But the thing is his confidence.....since the beginning his always been so shy and quiet around other people and only had a couple of friends he met online gaming.
I have worked so hard to help build relationships for him with his family and have encouraged friendships as much as I can (it's not attractive) but even still after seven years he only goes out a handful of times with friends like literally 5 times a year MAX!
His ver self conscious about his weight and other personal features, I have encouraged him the best I can to do something about them over the years, but nothing has changed physically or physiologically over the years. He has got better but still only speaks when spoken too in public and very short answers.
I'm worried what effect this will have on our child as they grow seeing their other daddies lack of confidence and how they never want to try new things and do things that involve exercise. I love him so dearly but I want our child to have the best possible childhood and grow to be a strong outgoing person, as all parent just want the best for them. But oh his days off, he doesn't take her out, doesn't think about places for her to go ect, only to the supermarket. She is nearly two and would love to go to the park, farm, zoo, or play centres with him but there's always an excuse whether it be money, weather, his tired or he will leave it too late and she'll be due for a nap, so he can't.
Don't get me wrong his an amazing father too her (when not in public) he's the fun one and she has the best time with him! 100% but she will get older and realise her daddy isn't the same at home as he is out and I don't want her getting hurt, or she'll ask to do things that he isn't willing to do due to his weight and that will effect her too.
Also (sorry to over share even more) but since we got married, he has refused for me to have sex with him, which has made me feel so low confidence wise myself and obviously frustrated. I should explain that we are in a gay relationship and are two men, so he has sex with me since we got married but not the other way round if that makes sense?!
Things have been financially tight fir a while now, but we are okay, our daughter has everything she needs as if we, just not lots of luxuries and at the end of every month in can be a tad tight.
He says that his constantly worrying about this as his the one that sorts out all the payments ect (I contribute but his uncharge of that area) so his always tired and always focussing in that and that's why he dies the take her out ect, but the park is free and play groups are a pound odd, do you know whether I mean?
As I said above his a gamer, I got him down to three nights a week after so much upset. But then those three nights he will be up till 1am/2am and ignore me and our child if she wakes the whole night from 9pm and be so exhausted the next day that his falling asleep on the sofa at 9pm
And wants to go to bed. So to me the nights he doesn't play his asleep at 9/10 and the nights he does play his got his head phones on at 9/10 so his gone and most weeks his playing almost everyday again.
I have just gone back to work after having 8 months off as we moved four hours away to save money and our marriage plus hopefully have another child. It took me a while to settle her and find a new job that fit around childcare. Also the gamer friends he has are near here so I thought it would help with his confidence. But I just feel so isolated and that it's just me and my daughter and I'm really resenting her going to nursery for the first time and getting all this sickness from there and being away from her for three days a week and him just loaning all the time that his tired as now he has sole responsibility for her for those days.
I came home a few hours early one night and he was gaming and she was screaming upstairs, (we have a twenty minute rule as sometimes she whinges and then goes off) But it scares me that the nights I'm not there with her she's screaming alone and his gaming. He promised me that's not the case and he is a really good dad when it comes to fun stuff. But she's my whole world and will always come first.
I'm sorry for the huge essay, this is my first post. I'm contemplating moving back home and leaving him. But I'm overcome with so much guilt towards him as he doesn't have anyone really, plus to take away his child from him would devastate them both.
I don't know if I'm being a terrible father and selfish for doing it as like I said it would be four hours away from each other and I would be leaving him in so much debt (I would give what I can to him every month to help) his my best friend as I say but I don't know how much I can do this anymore, I'm in my early 30s but it feels like I'm living a life of a 60yr old at times!
He has threatened to kill himself when I have tried to break things in the past and last year before we moved when I tried to break things he said he would take my daughter from me. We had her via surrogacy but she's legally 100% ours.
On top of all of that, I don't know whether I would do financially as if I left it would just be means her and I'm assuming I would be on benefits, I don't know how much help I would get if any, so am i giving her a crap life until I get sorted again.
Just feel so guilty about everything, wish we could just spilt amicably and still be friends but I don't see it happening, tbh whet I really wish is for all the above to change and us to live happily ever after but I don't see that happening and I feel like I'm sacrificing my own happiness and shine for him just to plod along the way he is.
Again sorry for the post, just really need some advice.
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Feeling so guilty about thinking of leaving my husband
7 replies
AreDadsAllowed20 · 29/07/2017 00:01
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