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Just found out my ex is a drug addict, help!(6 Posts)
Hi, I am new to mumsnet, I have a friend who is often on here so that is why I decided to ask some advice... talk..... not sure I am just a bit overwhelmed.
My dd's father has smoked weed since I know him. Foolishly I believed it was only weed and that he never smoked around her.
We live in Mexico. I grew up without my father, maybe that is why I have given him so many chances to be with his daughter.
We seperated when she was two months, because he was violent towards me. He wasn't around for a while and then he started being a part of my dds life again. She adores him, he tends to spoil her and used to be overprotective. From the age of two she began going with him on her own, for a while we have had it that he looks after one afternoon after school and one afternoon and a night. She is now going to turn four. We have had trouble like not giving her good food, sending her to kinder with her hands and face dirty. He doesn't help me economically at all. When things come up he often wants to turn it into a shouting match and I usually try to talk to him in cafes to not feel threatened. When things are ok we can get on great. It wasn't brilliant, and I went a lot on her behavior as she is generally a very happy little girl. I was quite proud we were making it "work". I also took advantage to study and work while he looked after her.
Well he left his phone the other day and I saw a strange message. So I went through his phone. It turns out he takes really heavy drugs, his friends have parties with drugs and alcohol at his place. Also I don't know if he sleeps with prostitutes or calls the girls he is with (which are many) prostitutes and completely objectifies them. It seems he lies to everyone, even his mother. He really seemed like another person, I feel so guilty my daughter has spent time with him and built a relationship with him.
Legally he has no standing as he is an illegal immigrant and not on her birth certificate, but things in Mexico are corrupt. He has let it drop that he has friendships with important authorities. One of his dealers lives in our building and surrounds himself awful people.
He is awful, but he is really charming and good humored. He is great playing with little ones and has all the patience in the world for them. That is no excuse for his other side but I am trying to figure out as I write this how things got so far.
I am seeking legal advice to see if he can be deported, but I feel any move I make has to be on the low side so as not to endanger my mother (who we live with), myself or let him make a run for it with my daughter.
The other option is to move to England or Ireland as I have a few realtives there. To be honest that also scares me as I would have to figure out how we would survive there, what I could work at. We aren't well off.
Right now I just want to protect my baby. Not sure how which way to go about it tough.
Advice is welcomed thanks for reading.
It's difficult to reply, because this is mainly a UK-based website and our laws and resources will be different from those of Mexico. You obviously don't want to be with him any more, but your daughter seems to have a good relationship with him. She's old enough to say if daddy's behaviour scares her, so presumably he's not taking heavy drugs and consorting with dodgy characters while she's there. That's something to console yourself with.
Your lawyer will have advice re having him deported, but it sounds as if this might place you, your dd and your mum at risk. How real is this? Could you all move elsewhere? I doubt England would be an option, regardless of family members - immigration isn't easy, and probably no easier to go to Ireland, though it's worth investigating.
Sorry not to be more use.
Still thank you. Are things really that bleak in the U.K. and Ireland? I imagine they are...
Well, with the UK embroiled in negotiations to leave the European Union, everything is a bit up in the air atm. Northern Ireland has been without a government in Stormont for months, the Welsh and Scottish governments are pissed off at the government in Westminster and a constitutional crisis is looming in all three countries. Citizens from other EU states, living, working and paying taxes in the UK are uncertain about their rights to remain after March 2019, so it's really not a good time to be considering immigrating!
It's worth looking at the Republic of Ireland though, if you have ancestry close enough to get a passport - I have no idea about their laws, but so many UK citizens with Irish parents/grandparents have applied for an Irish passports they briefly ran out of application forms.
Wouldn't it be easier to move elsewhere in Mexico?
I am mexican/british too. Are you a mexican citizen or british? where is he from?
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