Sorry, not been back sooner, hectic first week of the holidays with 4! ... pink you're doing brilliantly and one day your children will be older and wiser and realise for themselves who was there for them and who wasn't. You won't even need to say anything because they will figure it out for themselves. How old are they?
Your ex sounds like an arse and I would be very tempted to say either he's there when he says he will be or he's not there at all. But you don't want him to turn it around and blame you for cutting him off when the kids are older. In my case, my mum gave that ultimatum to my dad and we never saw him again. Same with my eldest daughter and her dad (history repeats itself). I've never bad mouthed him to her, just let her make her own mind up.
Yeah and then when you dare to say something to friends about another night in with just you and the TV once the kids are in bed, they all say how wonderful it must be. I'm sure as a novelty it is but not every night!
Going back to that, people just don't understand how isolating it is. Yes, it's great to see your children going to bed happy because of you and know that you're doing a good job. Yes, it's nice to collapse on your sofa and watch whatever you want on tv when they're in bed. But... sometimes you want to collapse into someone else's arms. Not even talk necessarily, just know there's someone there for you, that you're a person in your own right and not just a mum. Sometimes you just need someone else to take a little bit of the weight off your shoulders, just for a while.
I don't have an answer for you. I've given up on love and relationships I'm afraid! I just want you to know you're not alone in how you feel. I get it.
Hope you're doing ok. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk / compare notes!
You're doing a great job, remember that x