Whatever you do, it's never enough(6 Posts)
Have come on here to vent as I figure it's th eonly place there might be anyone who really gets it.
I work full time. Also have total custody so look after DD (3.5) full time. No family/other support at all. I look after a house, garden, and car by myself. I work, and work, and work.
And it's never enough, something always falls through the gaps. Today is a good example.
Was at work this afternoon, working to a tight deadline on 2 projects for 2 different bosses, where if I didn't put in the right documents by the deadline they wouldn't have funding for the whole of the next year. I was working flat out. In the middle of this I saw a missed call from the nursery and assuming an emergency called back straight away. Maybe this is also in part an AIBU. The nursery were calling to tell me that DD had had an accident, that they had spare clothes for her as I hadn't left any. When I questioned this - no, they did not even have a single pair of pants, she was wrapped in a towel for now. It really sounded as though they either expected me to drop what I was doing and drive home (takes an hour) to clothe my daughter - or else were leaving a child naked and shivering to make some kind of point?
I should say at this point that they do generally request that spare clothes are provided. But I'm not the only parent I know who forgets
...DD hasn't had an accident in a long time and they are a nursery and I suspected they did have 'something' they could use. I tried contacting a few people but didn't really have any spare minutes and had to make a judgement call - I decided DD wouldn't die, they would probably find something to put on her, and I got on with my work. Maybe right, maybe wrong, but I did.
Then when I got back to the nursery, I found that they had had a dress on her - but had removed it just before I got there (so I think to 'show' me that she had no spare clothes). They were also quite off with me in manner. I took DD home, where she started pointing at me and saying 'you are silly mummy, you are a really silly mummy'. I asked her why, and she said that the ladies at nursery had said I was silly. I asked again (not putting words in her mouth) and she said the same. So they have bad mouthed me to my 3 year old.
It really upset me. I work so hard to keep everything going, on so many fronts, that I know there are things that slip through the gaps - like this, I clearly haven't made sure that DD has spare clothes at nursery. But it's still not top of my list of things that must get done. That I have to do by myself.
There's never anyone here to even offload to and most of the time I just push on through it and suck it up, but occasionally I just wish someone would give me a break.
I think it is really tough..I am a childminder and my DS is 10 so I don't have spare clothes either.. I am surprised nursery don't.. Do you not have a nursery bag pop anything you need in it then you can just grab it every day.
Do be aware you can only do so much.. Some things need to give..Anything you can do to make garden more self maintenance .. You may need to drop housework standards change beds less. Get the 3.5 year old to "help" at home they find it fun..Unlike my 10 year old..
When it goes wrong don't beat yourself up..It does for parents in couples too.
I was a single parent of 3 with no support so I sympathise but really, how hard is it to make sure there's a change of clothes in nursery bag every day? Could you leave a set of clothes in nursery permanently and also a change in the day to day bag?
Don't beat yourself up about it, like you said it's not the end of the world and she's fine.
As for the nursery I don't think they bad mouthed you as such, probably more in response to a 3yr olds questions as to why she was in a towel or a different dress or why didn't mummy have spare clothes. I tell mine I'm silly for forgetting things all the time. as the pp said, next time she goes can you leave a bag there with a change of clothes in it? That way it's one less thing to remember.
Some people will never understand what it's like to be solely responsible for everything. You can't be expected to plan for every eventuality and by the sounds of it you are doing a really great job at juggling everything alone.
I know how frustrating it is when you're juggling a lot, one thing gets dropped and it makes it look as though you're not coping (when you are!). I would just try and forget about it now, it would have been madness to leave work, it's not as though your DD was ill. Put the change of clothes now in her bag so that at least that doesn't happen again but in her school life there will be other times when things get forgotten - happens to everyone - even the most organised! Deep breaths, have a , forget about the nursery and carry on.
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