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Pain of sharing my childrens time with my STBXH and his mistress

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Fabulousdahlink · 12/06/2017 19:12

Hubby of 22 years left 11 weeks ago out of the blue with a mutual friend. Couple of weeks to go before my children go to stay for the weekend for the first time.
Yesterday my children had their first day out with them 'as a couple'.
Thought I was doing OK.Getting on with life, divorce petition in, done with crying and angry stage. Generally calm, looking forwards to happier times.
Advice needed how to cope with the powerful tsunami of emotions I had yesterday. I feel so angry and conflicted- the mother in me wants to ensure the visits go well- whilst emotionally I cant bear the thought of handing them over to the dad who walked out on them and his mistress.
I'm worried about what they will say to my children about me-whan my teen and tween will accept as truth from the pair of them..struggling with my childrens capacity for loyalty to the STBXH when it isnt deserved and angry at it all being so bloody OK for the woman who destroyed my marriage to have a lovely relationship with my children in order for it to be a positive experience for my two.

I have seperated my feelings for STBXH and her, from the feelings for their dad and their need to see him.
Will it always hurt this much? Should I be open and explain to my children how I feel?

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Fabulousdahlink · 12/06/2017 19:17

So sorry, have double posted. Advice on the other post please x

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