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Close age gap and single mum

(7 Posts)
unicornsdream Sat 27-May-17 21:41:07

Myself and my husband have recently separated after 11 years but a very difficult 18 months and possibly more so if I'm honest. Leaving me as a single mother to a 1 year old (whom I absolutely adore and took 5 years to conceive). We have been very clear with each other of the way we hope to make the seperation work as their will be a significant distance between us due to the nature of his work we do not have a 'family home' but we have property to sell to secure both of our future homes. This is all not ideal but workable.... then along comes a positive pregnancy test. HELP!

Firstly, im not daft we took all necessary precautions and it was a 'final goodbye' which has apparently left a parting gift. This said I am in no doubt I will be keeping my baby. We always wanted 2 children however due to the difficulty to conceive this became a pipe dream until now. I'm in no way wanting to resurrect my marriage as sadly that ship has sailed and after being told (on numerous occasions) that our marriage was over in the last 18 months I have no more energy to fight. I have however done some research on age gaps and coping. This is where my worry comes in. How do you cope with an under 2 and a newborn as a single mum? Will it affect my current child longterm? as in will it cause acceptance or bonding issues with baby and myself. I do not want to leave my darling with life long issues if i can in some way protect and balance this situation properly. I suppose im more worried about resentment of the situation as I know baby will take up a significant amount of time and without Daddy being around (but my parents will be close at hand) Im worried that my darling will resent me in the future. This is mainly due to the articles on age gap stating that they become negative to parents if a sibling is born within 2-4 years of the first. I'm aware the situation is less than ideal but I desperately want to give my child/ren the best start in life. There's enough else to mess with the minds in this world I want to try and save any issues with resentment towrds me if i can. Oh help a highly emotional pregnant women think sensibly!

Happydappy99 Sat 27-May-17 21:48:20

I'm a single mum of two with an 18 month age gap between them. It was hard at the beginning but we quickly settled into a routine that worked for us. DD (the eldest) still went to nursery 2 days a week so that helped, also when DS napped in the daytime I would try to make sure DD got my full attention and we'd do painting / baking together or just sit and snuggle on the sofa watching TV.

They are 6 & 7 now and I love how close they are. They are best friends and play together really well. They argue sometimes but it's normally short lived and passes quickly.

liger Sat 27-May-17 21:54:10

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope out of adversity! You will all be fine, and that it because you are putting so much thought into these issues that others may not consider.

My middle two kids were 15 months apart. I have no bonding or jealousy or attachment issues and they are now 7 and 8. They can't remember life without each other and they connect in a very natural accepting way.

That first year with the two so close was full on but absolutely wonderful, like having a huge work project that was challenging and fulfilling in equal measure. I felt a huge sense of achievement getting through it. And had so much fun.

One thing I always consciously tried to do was to actively seek out the eldest child for a cuddle and some focus from me as soon as my arms were free.

unicornsdream Sat 27-May-17 21:59:32

I have been told how close your children can become is fantastic to watch. I'm worried about the relationship towards myself more so. My first hasn't really had much time with Daddy as it is as he never really bothered, so I have been my LOs world, with no family around also this has been intensified. We will be moving to be closer to my parents and I aim to get nursery sorted again as soon as i can but we are starting from scratch so nothing will be familiar. I'm just not wanting LO to have too many negative feelings towards myself or father if i can help it.... stupid age gap articles unless I wouldnt even be worried about this I'd be more worried about surviving the first few years. I intend to return to work again (only part time) post baby no2 so will hopefully manage to juggle as I currently do but with 2 so young im aware this may be me trying to be superwoman.

bluediamonds Sun 28-May-17 14:44:09

I've done it with a 16month age gap and zero support. It's hard, yes, but doable.

unicornsdream Sun 28-May-17 14:48:56

Thank you all, I'm feeling less emotional and panicky for today at least. It helps to hear other people's success in similar situations. Hopefully that will one day be me reassuring someone. xx

lynmilne65 Sun 28-May-17 14:52:15

Me the same, single and 15 months apart. I survived even when NVDS sent to prison 😑

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